


CS Collection

by happynfluffy



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-27 13:02:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2694023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happynfluffy/pseuds/happynfluffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I am making a collection for my one shots to make it easier on myself :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Misteltoe

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: I don't own the characters :)

Killian was sitting in Granny’s at his normal booth near the back.  Emma had asked him to meet her there so that they could go shopping after her shift at the station.  He had just settled down with a cup of coffee when a young girl walked up to him.  She stopped and stared at him and he looked at her with an expectant eyebrow raise.

The girl seemed to make up her mind.  She put her hand on his arm, leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek.  Then she turned and practically ran to her mother who was waiting at the door.  They left without a second glance.  He felt his cheeks were warm and he realized that his jaw had dropped open.  He looked around but it seemed that no one had witnessed the exchange.  Puzzled, he studied his coffee and lost himself in thought.

Ruby had just delivered his sandwich when Tinkerbell came into the diner.  She talked with Granny for a moment then made her way over.  Killian greeted her and they had a quick conversation about the weather and how it had never been this cold in Neverland.  Tinkerbell was just getting ready to hurry off when she spun on her spot, leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.  He almost spit his coffee out at her as she giggled and walked away.  _Bloody hell_ he mumbled under his breath.  First the girl and now Tinkerbell.  He did not know what to make of it.

As he sat pondering this second show of affection, Snow sat down across from him without the baby.  He nodded to her and waited while Ruby told her that her take out would be ready any moment.  He asked after David and the baby and she informed him that they were both fine and that David was keeping him warm at the loft but that she just needed to get away for a moment.  Just then Ruby brought over the order and Snow got up to leave.  She leaned down and kissed Killian on the forehead.  He started to sputter and try to speak but Snow just smiled at him and bid him a goodbye before walking out the door.

At this point, Killian started wondering if he had fallen victim to some new curse.  He had never had anything like this happen to him in all his years and it was starting to both confuse and worry him.  There was no doubt in his mind that he himself had not done anything to warrant this newfound attention.  He loved Emma deeply and would never do anything to jeopardize that ever again.  Killian’s eyes darted to the clock on the wall and he sighed in relief.  Emma would be there any minute and then perhaps he could discuss this latest development with her.

Killian finished his meal without any further incidence.  Ruby had cleared his plate and had gone to get change for his payment.  As if he could sense her arrival, he looked up just as Emma walked in the door.  He gave her his most welcoming smile and saw that she had noticed him.  As Emma made her way to his booth, Ruby walked over with his change.  She gave a wolfish grin, leaned down, and planted a kiss right on his lips.  His eyes widened comically as Ruby let the kiss linger before his brain cleared and he pushed her away.

Killian’s eyes immediately found Emma’s and he saw her staring at him hard but he could not tell what emotion she was having as he face was completely blank.  Killian’s entire face, neck and ears were bright red.  Ruby chuckled and sauntered off like the cat who got the canary.

“Emma, love, I…I mean I don’t know what that was…I…something weird is happening.”  He started to try to explain but he could not find the words.  He nervously scratched behind his ear and ran his hand distractedly through his hair.  He was making to get up and console her.

Emma walked over to him and pushed him back to a sitting position.  Without saying anything, she put her index finger on his lips to quiet his rambling.  She looked up for a moment and then back at him.  Then she gave him the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.  It was full of love and mirth.  She leaned over and kissed him with all she had.  She only broke away from him when Granny walked by and told them to _take it somewhere else._   Emma laughed and pulled away.

Killian was still in a state of shock. “Swan, what…” he began to ask.

“Look up” she said with another laugh.

He did as she asked and his brow curled in confusion.  He looked back at her and cocked his head.

Emma explained, “That is mistletoe.  It is a Christmas tradition.  Whenever a person is under it, you are supposed to kiss them.”

“Why the bloody hell is it only right here?  I swear I did not know this, Swan.  I did not ask for these other women or Ruby to kiss me” he asked in a very annoyed tone.

“I know,” she said, “I put it there.”

“What?!?”

Emma could barely contain her amusement. “I put it there because You are such a creature of habit and you always sit here and I thought it would be funny to see how you reacted.  I was watching you.  I know who kissed you because they were all in on it.  And everyone else was told to act naturally.”

Killian was shocked by this news but slowly relaxing now that he knew that he was not under a curse and Emma was not mad at him.  He could hear someone else in the diner chuckling and when he looked one of the dwarves quickly looked away.  He grinned a little but then frowned again.  He was not sure why she would let Ruby take such liberties with him.  Of course he was not attracted to her but Emma could be jealous when she wanted to be.

“And the wolf?” he asked.

Emma’s smile remained but he saw the spark in her eyes.  “Ruby…I will talk to her.”  Killian chuckled at her obvious dagger glare at the girl.  She looked back at him and shrugged.  “Ready to go shopping?” 

“Aye, love, lead the way.”  He said as they stood and he offered his arm.  They were about to walk away when he stopped.  He turned back, reached up and plucked the mistletoe off the ceiling.  Emma raised an eyebrow in question.

He gave her a devilish smirk and whispered in her ear, “I think I might have use of this later.”  He winked at her and both laughed as they exited the diner together.


	2. Short Killian's Thought Drabble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just something floating in my head about Killian's thoughts during 4x10

He walks away from the station reluctantly. So many words were left unsaid. His mind was screaming I love you at her the entire time. However, she does not need to hear those words coming from his lips. They seem empty and hollow to him. She does not deserve that kind of heartbreak. She does not need love from a broken shell of a man with no heart but even with the absence of his heart, he still loves her to the depths of his soul.  
He makes it to the docks as the spell starts falling and he looks into it, wondering what his fate will be and how much worse he will become. He already hates himself for what the crocodile has made him do and he fears what the new spell will bring out in him. He braces for the spell and just so that he can hear it, he whispers out loud, I love you Emma. She may never hear the words from him, but he does not want to die having never spoken them.


	3. Hang Your Heart With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Santa brings Emma a present...and Daddy Killian

Killian waited until he knew Emma was asleep before daring to slip out of bed.  She had been sleeping very lightly since Liam was born and he did not want her to wake up before he finished his task.  He tightened his arm around her waist and buried his nose in her hair.  He was still in awe that he had finally won her heart and he relished every moment with her, no longer taking any moment for granted.  When he was satisfied that she would not wake up, he slowly left their bed.  He stopped at Liam’s crib, smiling down at his nearly 3 month old son with a heart so full of love that he felt it would burst.  His son opened his eyes and babbled quietly at his father.

Killian lifted Liam carefully, giving him his index finger to suck on until he could take the lad into the kitchen and feed him.  He had found the wonders of this land never ceased and Emma was able to pump milk so that Killian could feed his son too.  He had been both hesitant and amazed at the concept but it had quickly allowed them to fall into a satisfying routine that allowed him to bond with his son while Emma was able to get some rest.

Killian headed to the kitchen and set Liam in his bouncy seat while he prepared the milk.  The lad cooed up at the lion and elephant dangling in his face, kicking his tiny feet in excitement.  Once the milk was ready, Killian picked up Liam and headed back into their living room.  He hit the remote for the Christmas tree to give him some light while he fed his son.  Liam drank his milk greedily and forced a small chuckle from Killian.  As Liam drank his snack, Killian hummed the Christmas songs he had learned to his son, earning his rapt attention.  Once he had finished, Killian burped his son and set him back in the bouncy chair on the floor.

Killian went to the coat closet and reached up to the top shelf.  He pulled down the package he had hidden behind a shoe box on the very top shelf.  He also retrieved the wrapping supplies.  He came back to sit beside his son on the floor and wrap their gift from “Santa”.

“Alright, little lad, mommy has been a very good girl this year so Santa will be giving her something special.  I am going to be his elf,” Liam giggled and Killian took mock offense, “Oi, I know I don’t look like an elf but I assure you this is a solemn duty.”  Liam cooed at him and he just smiled.

Killian wrapped up the package and stuck it in the top of the large stocking with Emma’s name knitted in it.  Emma had insisted that they have _an authentic Christmas with matching stockings hand knitted with love_.  Granny had obliged her and so the four of them, Emma, Henry, Liam and himself, all had gorgeous stockings that matched hanging over the fireplace.  Luckily Granny had made them big enough that Killian thought Liam would fit inside of his.  Santa had already come for Henry and Liam, he and Emma having put stuff out before they went to bed.  Just then Liam gave a loud squeal as he watched the twinkling lights on the tree, rousing Killian from his reflections.

Killian rushed over to the lad and scooped him up, kissing his downy head.  “You like those lights, don’t you lad?  How about this bow?” he said as held up the glossy red and green bow.  Liam swatted at it for a moment and Killian got a thought.  He quickly placed the bow on the lad’s head and then chuckled.  “Looks like you are my present this year and I could not be happier” he said with fondness.  He sat in the rocking recliner, attempting to get Liam to go back to sleep so he could go back to bed.

~~~

Emma woke up and turned over to snuggle against Killian.  Her fuzzy mind finally registered that he was no longer in bed and that is probably why she had woken up.  She always missed the heat coming off his body when was no longer with her.  Truth be told, she just missed him any time they were apart.  She looked over to the rocker by Liam’s crib and noticed he was not there either.  She swung her legs over the side of the bed and put on her slippers.

Emma walked through their house and noticed the light coming from the living room.  She went into the room and saw the cutest thing she had seen in, well, forever.  Killian and Liam were both asleep in the recliner and Liam had a red and green bow on his head.  She took in the sight for a few minutes and then retrieved her cell phone.  She was as quiet as she could be while taking a picture.  She then returned her phone to the charger and went to stand next to her husband.

“Killian” she shook him softly.  He woke up and smiled up at her.  She looked at him and raised an eyebrow while glancing at their son.

He smirked, “I found you a gift, love.” 

She laughed at his teasing, shaking her head as she took her son into her arms.  She then grabbed his hand and led him back to their room.  She gently laid Liam in his crib and pulled the bow off his head.  Killian wrapped his arms around her from behind and they both watched their son sleep for a few minutes.

“Let’s go back to bed, pirate.  Henry will be up in a few hours.” Emma said as she tugged him to their bed.  They got into bed and snuggled together, both drifting off to sleep in a matter of minutes.

~~~

“MOM!  KILLIAN!  Santa came, time to wake up!” Henry called from the doorway. 

Killian groaned into his pillow and tightened his arm around Emma. “Just a few more minutes” he grumbled.

Emma laughed.  Killian was just starting to drift off when Liam began to fuss.

“Looks like Liam disagrees” Emma said as she removed herself from his arms.  She went over and picked up her son, calling to Killian as she left the room, “Come on, let’s see what Santa brought.”

Killian mumbled something under his breath but moved to get out of bed.  He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he headed after his family into the living room. Henry was already giving rapt attention to his new LEGO set.  Emma was feeding Liam so he sat beside her on the couch with his arm across her shoulders.  They watched Henry and listened as he told them all about the things he could do with the science exploration kit he had also gotten.  He even offered to teach Killian some of the things in the kit so that he could better understand science in this world.

Once Liam was done with his feeding, Henry proceeded to help him with the interactive music toys that he had received from Santa.  Henry genuinely loved his little brother and it made Killian smile to watch the two of them interact.  Emma jumped up and pulled at Killian’s stocking.  She handed over to him.

“Let’s see what Santa brought you” she said with a smile.

Killian could never get enough of those smiles.  He put the stocking in his lap and pulled out a small package.  Emma helped him unwrap it and he gasped when he saw a tiny model of the Jolly Roger inside a bottle.  His lip trembled and he scratched behind his ear.

“How did Santa know exactly what I wanted?”  He asked aloud for Henry’s sake.

Henry jumped up to look at the ship, “He is magic, Killian.  He knows what everyone wants.  That is so cool!” His interest having been sated, he sat back down to play with his brother again.  Killian looked at Emma and mouthed a _thank you_ at her, to which she just nodded.

“Mom? It looks like Santa brought you something too.” Henry said as he looked at her lone stocking hanging on the mantel.

“Huh?” she asked confused, as she got up and retrieved the stocking.  She pulled out the wrapped package and slowly unwrapped it.  She took in the present and her lip started to tremble.

“Alright love?”  Killian asked, worried that she did not like the gift.

Emma nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat, “Yep.  Santa knew exactly what to get me too.”

Liam started to fall asleep and Emma took him to his crib.  Henry went to get ready to go to Regina’s house, leaving Killian to pick up the paper from the gifts.  Liam finally asleep and Henry safely away, Emma came and sat next to him again on the couch.

“How did you manage it?” she asked.

Killian chuckled, “Pirate, love, I cannot divulge all my secrets.”

She laughed, “Ok, keep this one for yourself, but how about a special gift for my Santa?”  She wiggled her eyebrows at him.

His eyes instantly began to sparkle as he leaned in and kissed her breathless.  Drawing back for air, he said, “I think that is an excellent idea love.”  He got up and reached down to help her stand, starting to walk them towards their room.

“Wait,” she said as she walked back over and picked up her gift, “Let’s put this up so that it does not get broken.”  She walked over to the mantel and placed the gift on it.  She stood there, smiling like an idiot and unable to tear her gaze from it.  Killian came up and rested his chin on her shoulders.

“Do you really like it love?” he asked.

“Killian, it is the most wonderful gift I could have ever gotten” she said and turned to kiss him once again.  “I will never part with this.”

“Good” he said and led her back to their room.

In the living room, on the mantel, was a new picture of her boys.  Killian, Henry and Liam were all wearing matching sweaters and loving smiles.  The frame was a simple wooden one with the word _Family_ across the top and the words _Home is where you hang your heart_ etched into the bottom.  Emma and Killian would add to their family and their children would give them grandkids but that first family portrait never left the mantel.


	4. David is Jelaous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small continuation of my mistletoe fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a small continuation of the mistletoe fic :)

A few days later, Emma invited Killian to a holiday get together at her parent’s loft.  Snow was in full holiday mode and he had never seen so many lights and decorations in one place.  It seemed as if she was trying to make up for years of lost time with Emma.  The counter was piled with sweets and goodies.  The woman must have been baking for a week straight.  Not that he minded, he found he really enjoyed the little ginger men cookies.  The icing on the cookies was just enough to balance the slightly sharp flavor of the cookie itself.

Killian had just retrieved what must have been his tenth cookie when David walked up to him in what appeared to be anger.

“HOOK!” he practically yelled.

Killian looked at him in shock, cookie halfway to his mouth.  He looked around and saw that Emma and the others were staring.  He quickly composed himself and cleared his throat.

“David?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“Just what do you think you are doing?” he asked as he poked Killian in the chest.  Killian began backing up with each poke as David continued.  “You think you can kiss my wife and get away with it?”

Killian’s eyes widened and he scratched nervously behind his ear, “David, it wasn’t…I mean, I didn’t…it was Emma and…”

David continued to glare and back Killian into a corner by the tree.  Just when Killian thought for sure he was going to be punched, David smirked and grabbed his face with both hands.  He planted a loud smacking kiss right on Killian’s mouth.

For a second, Killian just stood there in shock as David and everyone else began laughing.  He turned red from the tips of his ears down to his exposed chest and probably beyond.

“No one kisses my wife and not me!” David exclaimed through his laughter.  “Next time don’t make me feel left out, pirate.” He walked back over to Snow leaving Killian still in a state of shock.

“Bloody hell” he murmered as Emma came up next to him, still chuckling.

She grinned and grabbed his hand and asked, “Since you are under the mistletoe, think I could get a kiss too?”

He looked up and saw that David had maneuvered him under the damn plant.  He sighed and then smiled at Emma. “Aye love, I think I need it after your father’s attentions.”  He pulled Emma close and gave her a deep, passionate kiss.  The kiss stole his breath and left Emma weak in the knees.

David called across the room, “Watch it pirate, I could still change my mind and punch you.”

Killian pulled back from Emma and chuckled as she squeezed his waist.  “Merry Christmas, Killian”

“Merry Christmas, love.  How about some refreshments?” he asked.

Emma laughed, “Lead the way.”  Killian took her hand and squeezed it, a feeling of love and home washing over him as he led her back to the delightful treats on the counter.  He thought he might just be able to get used to having a family and celebrating holidays with them.


	5. About Time (Part 1?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma is tired of waiting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am considering writing the M stuff in a part 2. I just have to convince myself to do so...

It has been a month since Rumple had been cast out of Storybrooke by Belle and Ingrid had sacrificed herself to stop the Curse of Shattered Sight.  After a few weeks of damage control, the town had finally settled into a sense of tranquility.  One that had not been around since Emma had arrived in town and broken the curse.  Everyone had settled back into their old routines.  For some residents, new routines were put in place.

Emma and David had worked out a schedule that worked for David as the dad of an infant and Emma as the mom to a pre-teen.  They also decided that there was no need for an overnight shift, since there was little in the way of criminal activity at night.  They had an on-call system and would deal with one-off events as needed.  It made for very happy Sherriffs.  They had asked Killian if he wanted to join them as a deputy but he had politely declined.  He still felt guilty for what Gold had made him do and he did not think being a deputy would endear him to the townsfolk.

Emma sat at her desk a little bored.  She had completed all her paperwork from an incident the previous day with the dwarves and the ice cream shop.  Today had been quiet, she had time to think and her thoughts kept wandering back to her boyfriend.  _Wow, that is weird_ , she thought.  She wondered what he did all day, every day, with his time.  She knew he had enough money to support himself.  Belle had been gracious enough to help him trade his gold doubloons in for money using a stash of cash that Gold had kept in his safe.  She figured that was the least she could do to make amends for her husband’s misdeeds.  Killian had been grateful to her for yet another thing and he had helped her clean up the library from the after effects of the curse.  He had made time for her every day for lunch and they ate most dinners together and usually coffee or breakfast, but she had no idea what he was doing the rest of the time.

Emma jumped up and grabbed her coat.  She told herself it was time for a patrol, but she knew that she was really going to drive around and see if she could catch a glimpse of her pirate and what he might be up to.  They had been on several more dates and he had always been a perfect gentleman but she was finding it more and more difficult to not ask him if she could come to his room.  She was shocked to realize that she missed him more and more each time they parted.  It had only been a couple of hours since she saw him at lunch and yet he was all that she could think about today.

Emma made a few circuits of the town, finding nothing that warranted her stopping.  She drove out to check the town line and everything looked ok to her.  As she was driving back into town, she caught a glimpse of gray on one of the side streets.  Frowning, she turned around and went in the direction of where she had seen it.  She got to the street and saw that it was just a person in gray sweat pants and hoodie running along the sidewalk.  She was just about to return to the station when she took a second look.  She realized that she knew that hair – even from the back.

 _This is interesting_ she thought as she followed Killian, who was obviously running for exercise.  She followed at a safe distance and watched him as he entered the school’s track that ran around the football field.  She parked the patrol car and turned off the engine.  She had a good vantage point from where she was sitting of the entire track and field.  Killian seemed to be running laps and after about 20 minutes, he stopped with his hand on his knee, catching his breath.  He proceeded to unzip the hoodie and take it off and Emma’s jaw dropped.  Not only was he only wearing a white sleeveless tank that was soaked with sweat, but he was also not wearing his brace.

Suddenly, Emma felt a lot hotter sitting in the car.  She wished she had rolled down the window before shutting it off.  She had only felt the muscles that she could now see and it was making it pretty difficult to sit in the car instead of run to him.  She did not think the feeling if needing him could get any worse until he dropped to the ground and began doing one handed push-ups.  That is what broke her.  She wracked her brain for an excuse to be there and then an idea came to her.  She quickly checked her hair and makeup in the mirror and got out of the car.

“Killian Jones” she said as she approached him, trying to ignore his sweat soaked skin begging for her touch.

He swirled at the sound, “Emma?”  He turned to pick up his hoodie, hiding his left arm under it and then scratched nervously behind his ear.

Emma tried to keep a straight face as she pulled out her handcuffs, “You are under arrest for trespassing on school property.”

“Emma, love, I didn’t mean…” His face fell and she could see he was wracking his brain for what he had done to deserve this treatment.

“Are you going to come quietly or do I need to cuff you?”  She asked.

He sighed, “Lead the way, Swan” He gave a short bow and then walked behind her. 

So far her plan was going perfectly.  What she did not anticipate is what it would do to her with a sweaty, sexy Killian Jones in the back of her squad car.  She was trying desperately not to notice how the hair on his neck was soaked, or how his t-shirt clung to his pecs and abs.  Nope, she didn’t notice the drop of sweat that made a trail from his temple, down his cheek, onto his neck and into the exposed hair on his chest.  Not at all.

She drove quickly back to the town and stopped the patrol car near Granny’s B&B.  She got out and opened his door.  He raised an eyebrow at her but got out of the car.  She grabbed his bicep, almost tripping in the process at the renewed heat in her groin, and led him inside.  She maneuvered him to his room door and then stopped.

“Do you have the key?” she asked.

“Aye, love, but I thought I was under arrest.  This is not the station.  Did you get lost?”  He smirked and she wanted to kiss that smirk of his face…but not in the hallway.

“Key, Jones” she said with gritted teeth.

His jaw jumped but he fished in the hoodie still slung over his arm and handed it to her.  She unlocked the door.  “Inside, now” she said.

He followed her inside and the minute she was inside the door, she whirled around and pushed him against it, kissing him hard.  He tasted like the chocolate he had for dessert and salty from the sweat.  Emma couldn’t help herself as she moaned into the kiss.  She licked his lower lip until he opened for her, their tongues battling for dominance.  He sunk his hand in her hair to change the angle and she could feel him shaking a little in her hold as she wrapped her arms around his waist and drew him closer.

When they broke apart for air, she rested her forehead on his and licked her lips, savoring the taste left there.  “Emma, not that I am complaining, but what is going on, love?” He asked breathlessly.

Emma sighed, “Nothing…” and he was about to interrupt her but she put a finger on his lips. She led him to sit on the bed and then she stood between his legs.    She cupped his face in her hands, thumbing at the scar on his cheek.  “I don’t want to wait anymore” she said quietly.

Killian’s eyes widened.  “You mean?  Now?”  Emma nodded.  Killian instantly felt the blood rush south.  But he was confused about what had changed.  He was trying to be a gentleman and court her properly and he did not want to rush her or anything.  Plus, he had just had a long run and he was sweaty and could not possibly be attractive.  He didn’t even have his brace on.

Emma noticed him glance down at his left arm.  She gently reached for the hoodie and pulled it away.  Killian closed his eyes as she reverently took his arm in her hands.  She caressed the stump and then bent and placed a kiss on it.

“Love, you don’t have...” he started to protest.  Emma shook her head and cut him off.

“Don’t.  You are perfect even with your scars.  You have come back for me time and time again.  I choose you.  It was always you, I was just afraid to admit it.  Killian?  Look at me” she pleaded.  He opened his bright blue eyes and they were filled with so much love and adoration that she could barely breathe.  “Do you know what you do to me?  How much I miss you when we are apart?  How hot you are all sweaty from your workout?  I can barely think straight with you here right now.  I have never, ever wanted someone more than I want you right now.  Please?”

Killian swallowed heavily and reached his hand up to rest on her waist.  He nodded almost imperceptibly and then rested his head on her stomach as he reached around her and hugged her to him.  He looked up at her again like she was the most valuable treasure he had ever seen.  “I love you, Emma Swan.”

Emma thought she would panic in this moment but it suddenly felt like her entire world made sense.  She smiled at him and then leaned down to kiss him again.  The kiss turned hungry and then he pulled back yet again.

“You’re sure love?” he asked.

“Killian, if you don’t make love to me right now, I will take you to the station” she huffed.

“As you wish, my love.”

 


	6. Killian's Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry asks Killian for advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I have not been around for a while :) Christmas holidays and vacation took up a lot of time and then I got back and have been really sick...my eardrum ruptured and that did not inspire my muse :) Hope everyone is having a good hiatus :)

"Killian? Can I ask you something?" Henry looked at Killian a little shyly and fidgeted with his hands.

"Aye lad, just give me a moment to drop the anchor." Killian replied.

He had brought Henry out sailing for what Emma called  _guy time_. They had been taking advantage of the quiet time and she was using the opportunity to bring the Sheriff's station into the 21st century so that she and David would no longer have tons of paperwork after every catastrophe that seemed to strike the town.

Killian studied Henry from the side as he made the final preparations. He quite enjoyed his outings with the boy. Henry seemed to genuinely take to the sea and it made Killian proud to be able to teach him some of the things that Liam had in turn taught him. He never wanted to replace Henry's real father but he thought these outings were the closest thing he would come to being a father himself.

Killian sat down next to Henry and handed him the water bottle that Emma had packed. "Alright lad, what is it that has you so worked up?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrow.

Henry took the water bottle and stalled while taking a drink. "It's just…umm…you know…" he stuttered.

"Henry, whatever it is you want to ask, I will be happy to tell you. Just spit it out" Killian said with a chuckle.

Henry took a deep breath ."Howdidyouknowyoulikedmymom?" he asked in a quick run on sentence and then turned bright red and looked down at his shoes.

"Come again?" Killian asked, having only heard  _how_  and _mom_  in what Henry had said.

"How did you know that you liked my mom?" Henry asked more calmly.

Killian scratched behind his ear and looked out at the water. "Honestly, Henry, it kind of snuck up on me. Your mom is…well she is an incredible woman. She is determined and brave and strong. She is also the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I admired her from our first encounter but I cannot tell you when I first thought she was what I wanted."

"But you do like her?" Henry asked with confusion.

Killian chuckled, "Aye. I love your mother Henry although I think she would run for the hills if I told her so."

They both laughed.

"So, how did you know that she was who you wanted? Was it when you traded your ship or before?" Henry asked.

Killian was quiet for a moment and chewed his lip in contemplation. He knew she was a fiery one the minute they climbed that beanstalk but he had been too caught up in his revenge to even consider romance then, no matter what first impressions she made on him. So much had happened in such a short time that he was loathe to admit that his affections for Emma had creeped up on him.

Killian looked back at Henry, who was watching him with expectation. "Henry, I loved your mother before I traded my ship for the chance to bring you both back to Storybrook. I am not proud but I denied it for a good part of the year we were apart. I did not want to admit that I missed her. I thought I could be back to the person I was before I met her. But your mother changed me. She showed me that I could be the person that once had an older brother who loved him. That I could still have good form and be a better man. I could make up for the mistakes of my past." Killian swallowed the lump in his throat and looked out at the sea again. He continued, "Henry, your mother is worth more to me than a ship. I thought I wanted to be with her in Neverland but then I was losing the chance with Pan's curse so I thought I could forget her. That didn't happen. Trading the Jolly Roger gave me a second chance and I never looked back."

Killian was afraid to look at Henry. He hadn't meant to tell him so much but it felt good to get it out.

"Killian?" Henry asked quietly.

Killian looked back at Henry and waited for him to ask his question.

"There's a girl at school, Grace. She is quiet and shy and spends most of her time reading a book in the library during free times but she is pretty and I think I like her. I just don't know how to talk to her." Henry was blushing now and fidgeting again.

"Ah" Killian felt a little embarrassed now. He should have guessed the questioning was leading to this but frankly he was still new to the advice business. "Henry, if the lass is as you say, perhaps you should ask her for a book suggestion? You like reading as well and you may find that she enjoys the same books as you. It is a good common ground, no?"

Henry smiled and nodded. "Thanks Killian."

Killian nodded and clapped Henry on the shoulder. "Anytime."

They spent the rest of the time in quiet conversation before heading back to the docks.

Two days later, Killian was standing outside the loft preparing to knock on the door when it swung open and Henry bumped into him.

"Is there a fire?" Killian asked good naturedly.

"Sorry, Killian. I'm late! Thank you so much!" Henry beamed as he flew down the stairs while trying to throw on his jacket at the same time.

Killian chuckled and entered the apartment, closing the door behind him. He smiled when he spotted Emma at the counter sipping her hot chocolate.

"Swan, what has Henry so excited?" he asked.

Emma gave him a huge grin, "It seems he has a date, thanks to you pirate."

"Ah, so my advice on the books worked?" he asked.

Emma nodded, "It did. Thank you Killian. This is the happiest I have seen Henry in a long time. He told me about your conversation and he asked Grace the next day about books and they have been fast friends. He is taking her to Granny's for milkshakes."

Killian grinned and tapped his lips, "Perhaps gratitude is in order then?" He smirked upon seeing her recognition of his words in Neverland.

Emma stood up and grabbed his lapels, giving him a sweet kiss on the lips. When they pulled back for air, she kept her hand in his hair while the other caressed his cheek. "You are good with him. He needs someone besides his mothers that he can talk to."

"I know I can never replace his father…" he started to say but was cut off.

"No one can do that, but you are the closest thing he has and Henry has told me how much he enjoys your company and your talks. Don't sell yourself short. " She smiled at him as he blushed and looked away, scratching behind his ear."

"Thank you, Emma" he said sincerely.

Emma hugged him and he put his arms around her, breathing in the scent of her hair as he laid his cheek on the top of her head.

"One day you will make a great father, Killian" Emma said and he felt himself stiffen a little. He was unsure what to say or do with her. She squeezed for a moment and then took a step back. She looked up into his eyes and said, "I love you, Killian."

Killian felt like his heart would burst. "I love you, Emma." He said and smiled so big he thought his face would split in two. He loved this stubborn woman so much and to hear her say it had made his whole long life worth living. He kissed her again with all of that emotion poured into it.

Once they broke apart, Emma smiled up at him and took his hand, leading him to the door. "Are we going somewhere, darling?" he asked.

"Yep. I'm going to buy you a milkshake." Emma replied sweetly.

"We are really going to spy on Henry, aren't we Swan?" he asked.

"Absolutely!" she replied and he laughed as they exited the loft.


	7. Remember Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teenage Emma meets a new friend in Killian Jones and he is not what she expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I saw this pic someone posted of a playground next to an old timey cemetery and immediately Ghost!Killian and Teenage!Emma popped into my head. It took a week to formulate in my head but then this monster came out. (It's almost 4300 words) It is AU and it was written to make duathadun have a better day today but instead I made her cry...oops! I am a horrible, awful person! The poem is not mine, it is from an anonymous author, I just liked the sentiment.

He had been lying in the grass all morning watching the clouds go by and thinking of nothing in particular.  Partially cloudy days with sun like this were rare and he enjoyed the brightness of it all.  To be truthful, he was not a fan of the rain but then he really had no choice on the weather so he made the most of the days like today.  He smiled to himself and closed his eyes, imagining how the sun’s rays would feel on his skin.  He was just drifting off into nothingness when he heard a peculiar sound.  He lifted himself up on his elbows and looked towards the sound.  He bolted upright when he saw a fall of long blond hair on a young girl sitting in one of the swings of the adjacent playground.  She was sobbing quietly into her hands.  A frown escaped him as he moved to stand.

Taking a deep breath, he moved towards her.  He did not want to startle her so he moved quietly.  He made a clearing noise in his throat when he was close enough to get her attention.  She sniffed a bit and then looked up at him.  He studied her for a moment, taking in her red rimmed green eyes that seemed haunted.  She had porcelain skin and a quiet dignity that he had seen so rarely in someone her age.  She was beautiful.

“What is troubling you?” he asked.

She quirked her head to the side.  “Nothing.  Where did you come from?” she asked.

He hesitated for a moment and then pointed, “I was lying in the grass over there.”

“You were in the graveyard?  Isn’t that creepy?” she asked as she wrapped her arms around herself.

“Nay, I find it quite relaxing.  It is quiet and peaceful.” He said and she swore she could see a blush on his cheeks.  She found him to be rather odd but in a relaxing sort of way.  She noticed that he was wearing odd clothing but thought it must be part of his eccentricity.

“I better get home.” She said as she stood from the swing.  He nodded and stepped aside to let her pass.

“See you around.”  He said as she walked away, shooting him a quick glance over her shoulder.

~~~~

It had been a few days since he had seen the blonde lass but he could not get her off his mind.  He knew something was troubling her and it bothered him that she had been so distraught.  She seemed to be no more than 14 or 15 in his estimation and he felt that a girl of her age should not be so unhappy.  Today he was wondering through the stones of the graveyard when he heard a laugh behind him.

“Do you ever hang out anywhere but this place?” his blond girl asked.

He shook his head, “Nay, I pretty much stay around here.”

She looked at him as if he were a mystery.  Then she squared her shoulders and asked, “Where is the best spot to sit?”

“Let me show you” he said and led her to his favorite spot.  She sat down and took a look around. 

“You are right, you can see everything from here” she smiled at him and he thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

They lapsed into a pleasant silence.  He chanced occasional glances at her and each moment she looked even more beautiful to him.  He wanted nothing more in that moment than to make her laugh and smile.  He wanted to erase the melancholy that hung around her and replace it with joy.  He quickly looked away when she turned to look at him.

“So what’s your story?  I haven’t seen you around school.”

He scratched idly behind his ear.  “I no longer attend”

“But you are about my age aren’t you?  Did they throw you out?”

“I don’t know, how old are you?” he asked.

“15 but I am almost 16” she said proudly.

“I was 17” he said and noticed her double take at the use of the word.

She narrowed her eyes at him, “What do you mean by that?”

“I am not sure that is a tale for today, lass” he said and tried to not look into her eyes.

She jumped up, “I think I should go now.”

He rose to his feet as well.  “Wait, can I get your name?”

She looked around for a moment as if assessing her safety, “Emma Swan”

He bowed and said, “It is a pleasure to meet you, Emma.  Killian Jones at your service.”

“Umm..ok, bye” she said and she bolted out of the cemetery as if a ghost were on her tail.

Killian sighed and drifted away, lost in his thoughts.

~~~~

Several days later, Killian was again in his favorite spot, his eyes closed and his mind numb.

“You don’t scare me” he heard Emma say.

He popped one eye open and sat up.  “Come again?”

“I am not scared of you.” Emma said and squared her shoulders “You think you can be all mysterious and gothic and try to scare me ‘Killian Jones’ but it won’t work.”  She said his name using air quotes and glanced at the stone behind him.

He looked back at the stone and then smirked, “Aye lass you have me all figured out.”

She rolled her eyes and sat down.

“What brings you here to visit a lonely spirit such as meself?” he asked her in a cocky voice.

A shadow passed over her face, “Nothing, just did not have a lot to do today.”

“Hmm” he said as he glanced over at her and noticed the set of her jaw.  “May I ask a question?”

“Yeah, I guess”

“What’s wrong at home?” he asked.

She gasped, “How did you…” Then she stopped short and he could practically see the wall being built in her eyes.

“Look lass, the only reason you would be hanging out with a ghost in a cemetery on a find day such as this would be because you have nothing else to do with your friends or your family.  I have not seen you with friends and the other day you did not seem too happy about going home.” He said while looking her straight in the eyes.

She flinched, “That is not my home.”

He nodded, “I see.”

“What do you see?” she asked.

“Why don’t you tell me instead?” he prompted.

Emma hesitated and stared into his eyes.  He wondered what she was looking for but she must have found it.  She sighed and then took a deep breath. “They are my foster parents.  I think they try but there are too many of us.  The other kids are brutal.  I try not to spend so much time there.”

“And the first time I saw you?” he asked gently.

“One of the other kids destroyed a paper for school.  I worked really hard on it.  I was trying to actually make it here.  To belong.  I am never going to belong anywhere.” She fought for control of the tears threatening her.

He felt the rage at her distress.  He wanted nothing more than to protect her and it startled him as he had not had these feelings in a very long time.  He wanted to hold and comfort her and protect her from the world.  However, he knew that at this moment, she would just be embarrassed by her feelings.

“Those children do not realize they are in the presence of greatness, love.  You are strong and beautiful and one day you will be a force to reckon with Emma.  One day you will find your place in the world and those idiots will be the ones left out in the cold.” He smiled at her and watched the wonder transform her face.

“You think so?” she asked as she sniffled.

“Aye love” he said.

She was quiet for a moment and then she smiled shyly, “Thank you.”

“Anytime” he said.

They chatted about nothing in particular and then as the sun set she rose from the ground reluctantly.  “I have to go”

“Aye.” He said and bowed to her.

She started to walk away but turned at the last minute, “Killian?”

He raised an eyebrow in question.

“See you tomorrow” she said and walked away.  He was left with a stunned expression as he watched her disappear.

~~~~

Their easy friendship continued for several months.  Emma would find him puttering about the cemetery and he would talk to her until the sun went down.  He had come to look forward to these visits more than anything in the world.  She had become the sun to him and he did not mind the mostly gloomy weather all the time.  One day they were sitting in companionable silence, staring at the city surrounding the little hill they were on when the quiet truce over his origins broke.

“Killian?”

“Hmm?”

“What is your real name?” she asked without looking at him.

“It’s Killian love.” He said.

“No it isn’t” she insisted.

“Aye, it is.” He stubbornly replied.

“That is just ridiculous.  Why do you pretend to be a ghost and hang out in a cemetery all the time?  I told you the truth, why can’t you just be honest?  What are you hiding?” she was yelling now.

“Emma..look at me” he said and waited until she had given him her full attention. “My name truly is Killian Jones.  I died over 200 years ago.  Why do you think my clothes never change or that I am always here waiting for you?”

“You are insane” she said and moved to get up.

Killian did not think and tried to stop her with a hand on her arm.  It passed right through her and she covered her mouth to stifle the shock.  She started backing away from him.

“Please wait.  I can explain” he pleaded with her.

Emma shook her head and turned around and ran.

“Bloody Hell!” Killian shouted and then kicked at the ground in frustration.

~~~~

Emma did not return for two weeks and every day Killian cursed himself.  Why couldn’t he just make up a story, pretend that he was really a person and keep enjoying her company.  His damn good form demanded that he be honest with her and now he had lost the only friend he had ever had since Liam.  He was even more lonely than he had been before he met her.  He should have never gotten caught up in her.  Never tried to make contact with her.  He was a bloody stupid git.

Killian was so busy berating himself – blinking in and out of true existence – that he missed her presence until she cleared her throat.  He looked up instantly and his jaw dropped.

“You might want to close your mouth before you eat a fly” she said as she smirked at him.

“Emma!  I’m so sorry, I…” he began but was cut off by her raised hand stopping him from speaking further.

“Killian, I believe you.” She said simply.

His eyes widened, “You do?”

“Yes.  I did some research.” She said.

“And?” he asked hopefully.

“You are Killian Jones.  There was a picture.”

“A picture?”

“Yes, of you.  In that uniform.” She stated.

“I see.  It was a great pleasure to know you love.” He said and gave her a stilted bow.

“I’m not going anywhere.” She rolled her eyes at him.

He looked back at her with shock. “But surely now that you know, why would you continue our acquaintance?”

She sighed and spoke slowly as if talking to a child, “Because, Killian, you need my help.”

“What on earth do you mean?” he asked.

“You are clearly stuck here for a reason.  Have you seen any other ghosts hanging around here?”

He shook his head.

“We need to help you find peace.”

“But…there’s nothing…I don’t…” he was at a loss for words.

She laughed.  “Killian, what do you remember? About your life?  About how you…”

“Died?” he supplied.

“Yes, that” she said with an uneasy chuckle.

“Hmm…well, I was an orphan.  My mum died when I was very young and my Da abandoned me not long after.  My brother, Liam, was much older than me.  We had other siblings between us who all died very young.  Liam found me after Da left and raised me.  I was so proud of him.  He was a Captain in the Navy and he made sure I was well looked after when he was at sea.  His ship was stationed here in the colonies.” He looked very wistful when talking about his brother and it gave Emma pause.

“You mean the United States of America” she corrected.

“In my day it was still the colonies” he stated with a raised eyebrow.

“Ok, go on.  What happened?” she motioned for him to continue.

He sighed, “It is all kind of hazy.  When I turned 15, I was able to join Liam on the ship.  He was the finest Captain I had ever seen.  For two years we had a blissful existence on that ship.  I relished every moment with him.  Then hostilities between your countrymen and mine grew worse.  War was brewing and Liam was uneasy about it.  He wanted me to return to England but I refused to be a deserter.”

He stopped and pain passed over his face.  Emma waited and then moved a little closer as if to give him support.

A tear fell down on Killian’s cheek, “We were bunked down for the evening.  I was not yet asleep as I had been angry over yet another argument with Liam.  I heard the first boarding party but I did not have time to warn Liam before they attacked.  It was a one sided fight and soon they had all of us up on the deck.  Liam pleaded with them to take us prisoner or send us home.  He was a bloody stubborn arse.  They kept telling him to be quiet but he would not be cowed.  Said it was his responsibility to his men.  They shot him.  Told us to let that be our example.  I…I kept my mouth shut and said nothing.  He was my brother and I did nothing to the monsters that killed him.  He died without anyone to comfort him.  I could not even tell him I was sorry.”  Killian was fighting the sobs raging through him and fading in and out.

“Killian, he was your brother.  I am sure he knew you loved him.  Brothers fight sometimes.” Emma said softly.  She waited for him to regain composure.  “Do you want to stop?”

“Aye love, I think that is best.” He said.

Emma nodded.  “I will see you tomorrow?”

He nodded and watched her walk away.

~~~~

Emma came back the next day and they sat staring at the city again.

“So how did you die?”  she asked.

“Didn’t your research tell you?” he questioned.

“It did not say a lot.  It said that you were caught up in the massacre and accidentally killed.” She shrugged.

He scoffed, “There was nothing accidental about it.”

She raised an eyebrow at the venom in his voice.  “Ok, so tell me what happenned.”

He nodded, “Aye.  Well the massacre had just happened and tensions were high.  Some of my fellow crewmen and I had been rescued and we were reassigned to another captain.  I was deemed the fastest and was tasked with sending messages between the Royal Navy ships and the commander of the ground forces.  I had just delivered my message and was heading back to the ship when I was cornered by some drunken men.  They were itching for a fight.  I attempted to evade them but got caught anyway.  They took one look at my uniform and they shot me.  They were so drunk that they did not do a good job and I was bleeding out on the pavement.  Someone found me and took me to one of the hospitals but it was too late.  I took on infection and died several days after I was shot.  I died with so much guilt about Liam’s death and so much anger at the men who had killed us both.  I think it trapped me here.”

“But you don’t seem angry anymore so why haven’t you moved on?”  she said.

“I don’t know.  It took a long time but I finally forgave the circumstances of my death.”

“Killian, do you still blame yourself for Liam’s death?  That was not your fault.”

He growled, “Wasn’t it?  He died thinking I did not care for him anymore.  That I hated him.  He died alone, bleeding out on the deck of the ship.  I was a coward.” He practically shouted at her.

She got in his face, “You would have died that day too.”

He looked at her with such sadness it took her breath away, “I did”

Emma gasped.  “That’s it! That is why you are still here!”

“What are you talking about?” he was perplexed.

“You need Liam’s forgiveness” she was practically jumping with excitement.

“That won’t be possible Emma.” He said.

“Just give me some time!” Emma said and was gone before he could even question where she was going.

~~~~

Emma continued to visit but they made no more mention of his death or what she was up to.  He would ask and she would just dismiss it with a change of subject.  A few more months passed and she was finally ready to tell him what she had been doing.

Emma was practically buzzing with excitement.

“You are different today” Killian stated.

“I did it” she said with a smile.

“Be more specific love” he said with a chuckle.

“I talked to my history teacher and he said that the museums here kept all the records and journals they could find from the war.  They keep them in special archives.  You just have to know what you want and then you can look at them on the computer since they have been scanned in and print out copies.  They had all the records from Liam’s ship.” She breathed out so quickly it took a moment to register what she had said.

“Even his journals?” Killian asked hopefully.

She nodded, “Yep, every one.” She held up a piece of paper.  “This is from the last night”

Killian nodded and fought a frog in his throat. “Would you read it to me?”

Emma smiled, “Of course.  It says,

                ‘ _I had another fight with Killian today.  He is so stubborn.  I fear for his safety in this war but am helpless to keep him safe without his consent.  I must face the fact that he is no longer the wide-eyed boy I used to protect but now a man that is entitled to his own opinions.  He will make a fine Captain one day.  I let him cool off before I went to apologize to him but he had already retired for the night.  I only wish him to know that I am proud of him and that I will support his decision as it his right to make it.  My comfort is knowing that while he is assigned to my ship, I might offer some guidance and wisdom to help him on this path.”_

Killian’s tears were flowing freely and he felt light-headed.

“Are you ok?  He forgave you.  He was never mad at you” she asked him.

Killian swallowed the lump in his throat, “He knew I did not truly hate him?”

Emma’s heart fluttered at the raw emotion in his voice. “He knew you loved him and were just angry.”

“Aye” he said and looked out across the city wistfully.

Emma hesitated, “Does this mean…I mean, are you free now?”

Killian stared at her for a moment, “I do unencumbered”

“Oh” Emma said and looked down, fighting back tears.

“Emma, it doesn’t mean I will leave you.  I think I can leave but I don’t want to do so.

Emma smiled.  “Killian.  You have made my time here more bearable than you will ever know.  But I will be 17 soon and they are moving me to a group home.  It is not close to here at all.  I won’t be able to come visit anymore and the thought of leaving you to be lonely is not good.”

“You are leaving?” he gasped.

“Yes.  Next week” she said.

“Oh” he replied.

“Yeah” she sighed and they sat in silence until it was time for her to go home.

~~~~

Emma was leaving the next day for her new home.  Killian was still not ready to say goodbye but he knew it was time for both of them to move one.  They had freed each other and now it was time for her to taste that freedom with renewed vigor.

Emma walked up shyly with her hand hidden behind her back.

“What are you hiding love?”  he asked.

She pulled her arm out, showing him the little clutch of blue flowers in her hand.  He chuckled and she smiled.

“I brought these for your grave.  They are forget-me-nots.  I thought they would help you remember me.” She looked at him with a pleading hope in her eyes.

Killian laughed and gave her a bow.  “I appreciate the gesture love, but I do not think I will ever forget you.”

Emma laughed and set down next to the flowers.  He sat next to her, each lost in their own thoughts but aware of the other.

“So this is it” Emma said.

“Aye, I suppose it is.  I want to thank you Emma.  You did not have to do any of this and I appreciate it more than you will ever know.” Killian said with sincerity.

“I did not have to do it but you did not have to start talking to me either.  Because of you, I think I will be ok.  I’ve never had anyone like you Killian.” Emma replied.

“A ghost?  I would hope not” he smirked.

“A friend” Emma said and looked him in the eyes.

Killian scratched behind his ear, “Aye, that.”

“Yeah that” Emma said with a laugh.

“Emma…” Killian started.

“Don’t” she shook her head. “Let’s not do the goodbye thing. How about ‘Until we meet again’?”

“Until we meet again, Emma” he said with a genuine smile.

“See you around, Killian” she said and she walked away without looking back.

Killian watched her go until he could no longer see the shimmer of her golden hair.  He took a good look around at the place that had changed so much and yet so little.  He was ready to go and there was no longer any reason to linger.  Killian took a deep breath, smiled to himself and whispered “I’m coming home Liam.”  Then he winked out of existence, leaving the cemetery as serene as if he had never been there, a soft breeze rustling the flowers, that were the color of his eyes, resting on the gravestone that held his name.

~~~~

Ten years later, Emma returned to that little park next to the cemetery.  She swung on the swing to the delight of her little boy.  She smiled at the sign next to the park, declaring it “Killian Jones Memorial Park”.  She was proud that she had been able to give him one little tribute and helped to refurbish the little park for future children.  Emma smiled at her husband and told him that she needed a moment.

“Mommy?” the little boy asked.

“Yes sweetheart?”

“Where are you going?” he clung to her.

Emma laughed, “I am just going to visit a friend.  I will be right back”

“Can I go?” he asked her with bright eyes.

Emma’s husband came up to her, “Liam, mommy needs a moment alone.  Let’s go try out the new slide.” He led the little boy away.

Emma smiled and walked up the hill to the best scenic spot in the cemetery.  She placed some forget-me-nots on next to the stone with a little note attached to them.  She told Killian’s stone all about her life now and her little boy.  She told him that she hoped he would not mind that she named her son after his brother, but she did so to honor his memory.    She told him she was happy and that she was so grateful that he had been a part of her life.

Emma looked around one last time, knowing that this was the end of their story but just the beginning of hers.  She was content in knowing that Killian would appreciate the flowers and the poem.  A light breeze rustled her hair as she walked away and she could imagine that it was Killian telling her one last time, “Until we meet again.”  She recited the poem in her head as she walked back to her family:

_To the living, I am gone,_

_To the sorrowful, I will never return,_

_To the angry, I was cheated,_

_But to the happy, I am at peace,_

_And to the faithful, I have never left._

_I cannot speak, but I can listen._

_I cannot be seen, but I can be heard._

_So as you stand upon a shore gazing at a beautiful sea . . ._

_As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity . . . ._

_Remember me._

_Remember me in your heart:_

_Your thoughts, and your memories,_

_Of the times we loved,_

_The times we cried,_

_The times we fought,_

_The times we laughed._

_For if you always think of me,_

_I will never have gone._


	8. Mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little Daddy!Killian drabble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just something to try to wake up the muse.

“Daddy?”

Killian jerked awake at the sound and came face to face with his blond haired four year old.  “Aye lad, what’s wrong?”  he asked as he sat up and put his hand on the boys arm.

“I miss mommy.  Can I sleep with you?” the little boy asked.

Killian smiled at his son.  “Aye, hold on” he said as he scooped the little boy into the bed and settled him in the middle.  He pulled the covers up over them both and then laid his head down, closing his eyes.

“Daddy?” Liam asked again.

Killian opened one eye and raised his eyebrow in question.

Liam giggled at his father. “When will mommy be home?”

“She should be back tomorrow so we have to go to sleep and then she will be home faster.  I miss her too lad.” Killian smiled at his son and gave him a quick peck on the forehead.

Liam snuggled down into the pillows.  “I love you” he said and drifted off to sleep.  Killian watched his son for a moment, still amazed that he had been granted a chance to be a father.  The little boy looked so much like his mother and he did not think he could ever have imagined being so happy with a family of his own.  He smoothed Liam’s hair down and then went back to sleep.

~~~~

Emma was so happy to be home.  She had been gone from her boys for a week.  Brenna had gone with her on the trip but Killian convinced her that he and Liam would be just fine.  Still, when she got the chance to come home just a bit early, she decided to surprise them.  However, she ended up in a traffic jam and now they were home much later than she had wanted to be.  Emma carried Brenna into her room, tucking her in.  She went to Liam’s room to check on him and was met with an empty bed.  She just smiled to herself, already knowing where to find her son.

Emma went into her bedroom and had to stifle a giggle.  She could clearly see the room from the light of the full moon coming in through their bedroom window.  On the bed, Killian was laying on his side, as close to the edge as he could get.  Next to him, Liam lay horizontal across the bed, one hand resting on Killian’s chin, the other on his leg.  His feet were spread eagle taking up as much space as he could in the bed.

Emma got ready for bed, then gently maneuvered Liam into a vertical position.  Killian reached out in his sleep and placed his hand on the sleeping boy’s stomach.  Emma smiled then got into the bed.  She was just about asleep when she heard the little voice.

“Momma” Brenna stage whispered.

Emma smiled and turned over.  She picked Brenna up and placed her next to Liam in the bed.  They both fell asleep in an instant.

~~~~

It was bright and early that morning when an excited Liam woke up to find his little sister and his mommy in bed with him and his daddy.

“MOMMY” he shouted, at which point both adults fell out of bed from having been sleeping on the very edge.

“Bloody hell” Killian exclaimed.

“Ow” Emma said at the same time.

They looked over the bed at each other and started laughing.  The kids joining in and jumping on the bed.  Liam jumped over to Emma and encased her in a huge bear hug while Brenna crawled to Killian and cried “Up Up”. 

Killian picked her up and gave her a kiss.  “I missed you little love.”

“Welcome home mommy.  Can we have pancakes?” Liam asked.

Emma nodded.  “Why don’t you and Brenna go play while I get ready?”

Liam nodded and grabbed his sister’s hand, leading her out of the room.

Killian walked over to Emma and put his arms around her, kissing her lightly on the lips.  “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.  Did he sleep with you every night?” she asked.

Killian shook his head.  “No, just last night” he said as he smiled.  “We were both missing our girls.  Not the same around here without you. I love you, Emma” He kissed her again and then buried his face in her neck as he hugged her.

“I love you too.” She said.  Just then they hear Liam yell.  “MOMMY WE’RE HUNGRY!”

Killian chuckled.  Emma yelled back “COMING LIAM”.  To Killian she said, “Never a dull moment.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, shall we?” He said and grabbed her hand.

She squeezed his hand.  “Neither would I” and they went out to begin the day with their little family.


	9. About Time Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of About Time Part 1. This is the M part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while, but here it is :)

Killian put his hand on her waist under her shirt and caressed the bared skin with his thumb.  He moved his head between her breasts and breathed in sharply.  He could not believe that after waiting so long for this infuriating, wonderful woman, that she was finally ready to be with him.  It all felt like a dream.  He stood slowly and pulled her shirt up as he went.  She helped him pull it over her head and when it was free he leaned down and kissed her.  Softly at first and then more hungrily as he nipped at her lips, seeking and gaining entrance with his tongue.  He moaned at the contact and her arms tightened around his neck.

Killian turned them and reverently laid her back on the bed.  He hovered over her while kissing her then broke away, kissing down her neck.  He sucked a small mark on her pulse point and then continued towards her breast.  Emma started to reach back to remove her bra but he caught her hand with his own.  “Let me, love” he said and watched as her pupils dilated.  Killian reached back behind Emma and unhooked her bra with ease.  He used his hand and his teeth to remove the straps.  Emma could swear he was doing his best to tease her.  When she was bare chested in front of him, Killian blew out a heavy breath.

“You are so beautiful” he said.  He leaned over one pert nipple and blew out a breath over it, making Emma shiver.  Killian leaned on the forearm of his bad arm and then took her nipple into his mouth, running his tongue over it as he sucked gently.  Wetness instantly pooled between Emma’s thighs and her eyes closed in pleasure.  Killian rolled the other nipple in his fingers, gently tugging.

“Killian” Emma gasped.  He smirked and then switched his mouth to her other nipple, giving it the same attentions as the first.  Emma did not remember when she had grabbed his hair, she just felt the sensations he was giving her down to her toes and her hands seemed to have a mind of their own.  He started to kiss down her stomach, his hand beginning to work off her pants and underwear at the same time.  Emma watched as he pulled them off.  With determination, he kissed from her ankles up to her thighs.  In that instant, Emma did not think she could wait for him any longer.  He parted her thighs gently and she grabbed his head again, pulling lightly on his hair.  He looked up at her with a questioning raise of his eyebrow.

“You don’t have to…we can just…I” she started, at a loss for words.  Killian shook his head.

“Emma…love…I have waited so long for this.  Dreamt of you in my bed and dreamt of worshipping you.  You asked…nay…demanded I make love to you and that is what I am going to do.  Relax, darling.  Let me take care of you.”  Emma could hardly breathe.  His eyes were practically overflowing with love and devotion.  She did not think she could deny him anything in this moment.  She gave a slight nod and then all thoughts flew from her brain as he leaned down and licked a strip up to her clit.  Her hand stayed in his hair but more to anchor herself to the ground than to control his movements.

Killian relished the taste of her.  The sounds she made.  He sucked her clit into his mouth and flicked it with his tongue.  Emma muttered a curse and arched her back, bringing her hips closer to his mouth.  He pushed two fingers into her wet heat and felt his cock swell even further, if that were possible.  He quickly found the right spot that had Emma swearing and crying out.  He worked her until he felt her fluttering around his fingers.  Then he sucked a little harder on her clit and the world around her shattered.  She swore she saw stars, the pleasure exploding throughout her body.  He worked her gently through her climax and then kissed his way up her body to her lips, giving her kisses on her lips, nose and eyes.  Emma fluttered open her eyes.

“Better?” he asked.

Emma chuckled.  “Amazing.  But you are still dressed.”

“Aye, love” Killian nodded and squeezed her to him, kissing her lightly on the lips again.

Emma pushed until she could hover over him. “We should fix that” she said as she pulled his shirt off.  Emma felt another wave of desire when she saw his fully bared chest.  He was perfect.  His abs sculpted, the chest hair she had already gotten glimpses of covering his pecs and the happy trail leading to the prominent bulge in his pants.  Emma trailed her fingers along the hair, circling one nipple and Killian gasped sharply.  She licked his nipple, tasting the saltiness of the sweat that had soaked his shirt.  As she did so, she trailed a hand down and squeezed his cock through his pants.

“Bloody hell” he gasped as Emma stroked him.  Emma leaned up and kissed him.  She pulled away and he tried to follow with his lips but she pushed back against his chest.

“Pants” was all she said as she started to take them off him.  She could barely contain the desire she felt when she realized that he was going commando under his pants and then his generous cock sprang free and she practically licked her lips.  She stared for a moment longer when she was knocked out of her thoughts by his chuckle.

“Not what you were expecting?” he asked cheekily.

Emma decided to play along. “Well, to tell the truth, I thought you were compensating with the Jolly” she stated with mock sincerity.

“Oi” he said and she giggled, alerting him to her game.

He smiled then and flipped them over, settling between her open thighs, his cock brushing her clit as he whispered, “Does that feel like I need to compensate, Swan?”

She steadied herself with a breath and shook her head “Definitely not.”  She moved to kiss him again and he complied.  As they were kissing, Emma reached down and placed him before her entrance.  He slowly slid into her, making them both gasp and break the kiss.  Killian looked at her like she was his world, fighting to keep his eyes open so he could see her in this moment.  When he was fully seated, he waited a moment to allow her to adjust.  When she was ready, she put her legs around his waist and lifted her hips up to his. 

He slowly slid in and out of her in a lazy rhythm, wanting the moment to last.  Emma moaned with how good he felt in her.  Killian dropped his head to her shoulder, watching as he slid his cock in and out of her.  He found her g-spot and Emma cried out his name in her pleasure.

Emma could not ever remember feeling this good with someone and she wanted the moment to last.  However, she could feel Killian trembling and knew that he was holding back for her sake.  She did not think he could be any more perfect and then he made this all about her.  Her heart swelled with even more love.  _Oh God, she loved him._   As soon as she admitted it in her head, her whole body felt lighter yet stronger. She loved this beautiful, perfect man.

“Emma, I don’t think I can…” Killian was practically gritting his teeth in an effort to bring Emma pleasure before his own.  He stopped for a moment when Emma pulled his face towards her so she could look in his eyes.

“It’s ok.  Let go, Killian” She smiled and Killian was gone.  His thrust became erratic.  Emma reached down and rubbed her clit and moved her hips in time with his thrusts.  She tightened her walls around his cock.

“Bloody fucking hell” he shouted and thrust harder triggering Emma’s climax.  As her walls clenched around his cock, Killian’s own orgasm exploded and he could not hold back, “Gods Emma.”  His whole body stiffened and his head dropped down, burying his face in her neck.

They both came floating back to the world and Killian lifted himself off her to keep from crushing her.  He moved out of her and for a brief moment, Emma felt lost without him.  They had been so absolutely perfect for each other.  Her moment of panic left when he moved to her side and wrapped her into his arms as close as he possibly could.  He gave a squeeze and hummed against her as she stroked his chest in a lazy rhythm.

Neither spoke for a moment, both blissfully exhausted.  Emma felt the happiest she had ever been in her life and never wanted the moment to end.  Killian was still counting his good fortunes and praying to all the gods that this was not a dream.  He dropped a kiss to the top of her head.

“It was real you know, not a dream” Emma stated, having guessed his thoughts.

“Aye, love” he said.  She leaned up to look at him.  “I’m sorry.”

He furrowed his brows, “For what?”

“For waiting so long to let you in.”

“You can be a bloody stubborn woman but you come by it naturally” he said with a shrug and chuckled when she gave him a slight slap on the chest.

“Don’t let my mother hear you say that” she said with a smile.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”  Killian thought for a moment and then she saw his eyes change and she could see the love shining out of them.  “Emma, it was worth the wait” he said and she could hear the sincerity in his voice.  She blushed not sure what to say, terrified of revealing her heart to him even though it screamed out for her to tell him what it wanted.

He kissed her on the nose.  “It’s ok love” he said and closed his eyes.

Emma stared at him, memorizing his features for a few more moments and then she laid her head back on his shoulder, resuming the lazy patterns of her fingers on his chest until his breath evened out.  When she was sure he was asleep she said, “Killian Jones, I love you.  It took me forever to realize it but I have loved you for a very long time.  I will do my best to show you from now on.  I know you have been so patient but just please be patient for a little while longer.  You did it. You won my heart and I love you.”

Emma closed her eyes and fell asleep and Killian tightened his arms around her.  He was never letting this amazing woman get away from him again.


	10. Bent not Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and Killian AU...David is Emma's brother and Killian his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was "supposed" to be a drabble but my muse had other plans.

She was going to kill him.

Emma had been through the longest month in her entire life and tonight she was finally, _finally_ , out on a date and now her idiot brother had to go and pull this stunt.  She deserved to have a nice dinner instead of snacking in the bug while on a stake-out.  She deserved wine and dessert.  Heck, she wasn’t even too miffed that her date seemed more interested in talking about the best ways to polish furniture than anything remotely interesting.  It just felt good to be out with someone.  Then her phone went off.  She tried to ignore it but the incessant chirping drew her attention away.

Now, she was on her way to the hospital to meet her brother and she was going to kill him.  She got out of the cab and paid the driver, taking a deep breath and walking inside to the reception desk.

“May I help you?” the nurse asked.

“Yes, I’m here for David Nolan” she said.

“Ah yes, room 815 just down the hall.”

Emma walked down towards the room and pushed the door open.  “David, what in the hell happened to…” she trailed off as she saw a nurse in the room.

“Emma” David said in a slightly slurred way.

“Hi, you must be David’s sister.  I’m his nurse for the evening, Mary Margaret” the nurse said as she held out her hand.

David smiled at Mary Margaret, “Isn’t she an angel?”

Emma snorted, “Yeah, sure David.  What happened?”  Her brother’s face had multiple shallow cuts and bruises.  His eye was already blackening.

“I fell” David giggled.

Mary Margaret finished putting something in an IV and then told David, “You just rest, we will back shortly to check on you.”  She patted his arm and then motioned for Emma to follow her out of the room.

“Look, Miss…” Emma started.

“You can call me Mary Margaret” She replied.

Emma nodded, “Alright, Mary Margaret, what happened?”

Mary Margaret sighed, “From what we have been told by witnesses, your brother and some friends were down by the docks.  They were drinking and some things got heated.  One of the guys took a swing at your brother and knocked him into the water between the slip and a ship.  The water is pretty choppy tonight and he was banged up pretty badly.  He has some bruised ribs and the injuries to his face.  The doctor wants him to stay overnight for observation but he should be fine and able to go home in the morning.”

“That’s good news.  I guess it could have been worse?” Emma asked.

Mary Margaret smiled, “He was lucky.  His friend that pulled him out of the water may not have been so lucky.  He is still in surgery.”

“Thanks” Emma said and started to walk away.  She was glad that David would be ok but then a thought struck her.  Who would be stupid enough to jump on and save him?  She turned back around.

“Umm, Mary Margaret?”  Emma asked.

Mary Margaret turned back around with a questioning look.

“Who jumped in after him?”  Emma asked.

Mary Margaret looked down at the files in front of her and checked the report.  “Killian Jones”

Emma suddenly felt dizzy and sat in a nearby chair.

~~~~~

**3 months ago**

“Why did you say that?”  Emma was trying desperately to keep her control.  She would not let him see her cry.  She was hastily shoving whatever she could into a bag on the bed.  She did not have much here but she wanted to make sure she got it all.

Killian was watching her with an incredulous look on his face, “Because I bloody meant it!”

“No, you don’t.  You will eventually realize you don’t.  It is better this way” she refused to believe him.

“Emma” he said quietly, trying to grab her attention.  She yanked her arm away from him and put the bed between them, “Please, love, just…let’s talk about this.”

Emma took in his pleading eyes and she felt like she would break any moment.  She had to get out of there. “I can’t, Killian.  I can’t do this.  It is too much.  You’re too much.”

Emma walked towards the door and was refusing to look back.

“Emma, I do love you.  Please don’t go.” She barely heard the last whispered part.

“I have to” she said as she walked out of the room without looking back.

~~~~~

“Emma?  Miss Swan?” Mary Margaret was crouched down next to her.  Emma blinked back into reality.

Emma cleared her throat.  “I’m sorry.  Did you say Killian Jones was in surgery?”  She smiled weakly.

“Yes.  He was the one who jumped in after Mr. Nolan.” Mary Margaret said.

“What happened to him?” Emma asked.

Mary Margaret shook her head.  “I’m sorry but I am not allowed to divulge confidential patient information.”

Emma thought for a moment, “Who is his emergency contact?”

“Let me check” Mary Margaret said, walking back to the nurse’s station computer.  Emma followed and stood a discreet distance away. “Hmm”

“What?”

“Well, this says that his last known emergency contact is you.” Mary Margaret replied.

“Me?” Emma was speechless.

“Yes.  Assuming your address is 426 Main Street?”  Mary Margaret asked.

Emma nodded.  “Yes, that is me.”  She was stunned that he had thought to have _her_ as his contact.

“Well, I am not sure what his status is at the moment.  Let me go find out and I will get back with you.  You can wait with Mr. Nolan if you would like?”  Mary Margaret gestured towards David’s room.

Emma swallowed thickly.  “Yes, I will be in there.”  She made her way back to her brother’s room.

David looked at her when she entered. “Hey, Emma”  He was still slurring his words but it seemed the giddiness from earlier had faded.

“How are you feeling?” Emma asked.

“Like I have been used as a chew toy” David replied with a slight grimace.

Emma nodded, “I imagine you are going to be sore for a while.  What possessed you to get in a fight at the docks?”

David sighed. “It was not the plan.  A group of guys and I were just hanging out when that jackass Will came along.  He was obviously three sheets to the wind and he started spouting bullshit.  Wouldn’t leave when we told him to leave.  He finally said enough to make me push him to try to make him leave.  That was when he hauled off and punched me and I fell into the water. I would have had a lot worse if Ki…if someone hadn’t pulled me out.”

“What did Will say about me” Emma sked.  She hadn’t missed the way he was avoiding her eyes or the fact that he had stopped himself from saying Killian.

“Emma, I don’t think…” David started to deny it.

“David, what did he say?” Emma insisted.

“He said that he saw you earlier all dressed up like a hooker.  That you were out for another notch in your bedpost.  That you had already castrated one of his mates and he should have warned the guy you were with but that he thought it was my job to keep you in line.” David said sheepishly.

Emma’s eyes widened.  She knew Will hated her for what happened between her and Killian but he had no right.  She was just about ready to get up and go find the bastard so that she could punch him herself.

“Emma, there is something else” David said.  He waited until she focused back on him. “The person who pulled me out”

“I know” she interrupted.

“Is he ok?” David asked.

Emma shook her head. “They have not said yet.  All I know was that he was in surgery.”

David nodded. “He should not have jumped in after me.”

“You could have been hurt worse or killed if he didn’t” Emma said.

“I know, Emma. “ David swallowed a lump in his throat, “He just took what Will said about him.  Didn’t even flinch.  In the past it would have been him who had started the fight.  Now he is paying for it anyway.”

Emma grabbed David’s hand and held it.  “Well don’t write him off just yet.  He is scrappy.” She tried to smile but inside she was screaming for Killian to be ok. “Just get some rest, everything will look better in the morning.”

Emma slept fitfully in the chair in David’s room.  Mary Margaret had returned shortly after he had fallen asleep and told Emma that the doctor would come give them an update on Killian as soon as they could, but that it might be a long night.  She was awoken around 5 am by Mary Margaret.

“Hey, I was just going to tell you that Doctor Whale would like to speak with you regarding Mr. Jones” she said quietly.

Emma jumped to alertness.  “Sure, that would be good” she said as she followed Mary Margaret out of the room.

“Miss Swan?  I am Doctor Whale.” Whale said as he held his hand out.

“Hello” Emma said as she shook his hand.

“As you know, Mr. Jones was brought in with your brother.  It appears he jumped in after Mr. Nolan to pull him from the water.  He was able to do that, but a swell happened and it trapped Mr. Jones between the ship and the pier and it crushed his left hand.  I am sorry to say that we were not able to save his hand.  Other than that, he sustained a head injury and some internal bleeding.  He is stable now and I can have Miss Blanchard show you to his room if you would like to visit?” Whale’s speech had left her breathless.

“When you say that you were not able to save his hand?” Emma was almost afraid to ask.

“Correct, we were required to amputate his hand.  It was pretty mangled and if we did not, there would be fear of serious infection.” Whale said.

Emma’s heart dropped to her stomach, “Thank you doctor.”  Whale nodded and left her.

“Would you like to see him?”  Mary Margaret asked gently.

Emma nodded and followed her to Killian’s room.  She took a very deep breath before walking into the room.

“He is still coming out of the medications but he should wake up soon.  I will check with you again in a bit.” Mary Margaret said as she left.

Emma made herself walk over to the chair and sit before she looked at him.  When she did, it took her breath away.  He looked so ragged.  It wasn’t just the bandage on his forehead or the scrapes, probably from the dock.  He had dark circles under his eyes and his hair was shaggier than he normally kept it.  It appeared that the scruff he usually had neatly groomed was also in desperate need of attention.  She did not miss the bandage at the end of his left arm.

Emma held back a sob.  He was never going to play his beloved guitar again.  He practically lived with that thing glued to him and now he was forever barred from it.  She didn’t want to admit why that bothered her so much.  She never wanted to admit feeling anything.  She was just drying her face when she noticed him starting to wake.

He slowly blinked his eyes open.  She could tell he was doing a mental assessment of his state.  He groaned and started to move when he noticed her in the room.  Suddenly he froze.

He cleared his throat, “Swan.”

“Hi, Killian” she said.

“What are you doing here?” he asked in a guarded way.

“You fell and got hurt.  Jumped in after David?” she hoped his head injury had not given him some kind of amnesia.

“Aye, I remember.  Why are _you_ here?” he asked again.

“I’m your emergency contact” she stated with hesitation.

Killian attempted a self-deprecating laugh but then groaned in pain and muttered a curse under his breath. “I knew I forgot to do something.”

“Killian we should…” Emma started.

“Swan, thank you for coming but could you just go?” he asked.  He was in pain and her presence made the pain in his heart almost worse than the pain in his arm.  He was about to look at his arm when she caught his attention.

“Why?” she asked.

“Why?” he was astounded by her question.

She nodded.

Killian thought for a moment.  All he had wanted to do for months was to find this woman and convince her she was wrong.  That he would do anything for her.  That he truly loved her.  But she had taken his declarations and crushed his soul.  She had asked him to never speak to her again and bloody fool that he was, he had listened to her.  Now all his mates knew that he was a broken shell of a man.  He wasn’t worth anything to anyone.  He could not bear the fact that she was here because of some warped sense of responsibility because at one time he had seen fit to write her name on some damned form.  The pain in his left hand brought him back to his senses and he reached over to grab it before finding that it was no longer there.

His gasp of horror was not missed by Emma.  She jumped up to lay a soothing hand on his leg and he jerked away from her touch.  She just stood there helplessly watching the stream of emotions cross his face as he took in this new development. He finally settled on self-loathing and disgust.  He turned that gaze back at her.

“I see.  This is a pity party” he laughed in a sneering way.

Emma shook her head, “Killian, no.  I wanted to make sure you were ok.  I wanted to be there for you.”

Killian snorted in disbelief. “I find that truly hard to believe, _darling_.  I don’t need your pity.  Now if you will excuse me, I believe I asked you to leave and since I am the one hooked to all these machines and therefore devoid of my mobility, the best thing would be for you to run out of here.  Go ahead and run.  You are good at that.”

Emma was shocked at his outburst.  He had never talked to her that way.  She tried to consider that he was just hurting but her ego was stinging at the words he at hurled at her.  She turned around and walked out of the room.  She did not stop when she passed David’s room.  She kept walking until she was outside the hospital.  Emma turned the corner, leaned against the wall and then promptly burst into the biggest sobbing fit she had ever had in her life.

~~~~~

**2 months ago**

“She doesn’t want to see you.” She could hear David say to the person on the other side of the door.

“Aye, David, just please make her talk to me for a moment?” Killian pleaded.

Emma rolled her eyes.  He just would not stop.  It had been a month and yet he was still trying to convince her that he was in this _for the long haul._

David started to shake his head and close the door when Emma said, “You have one minute.”

Killian nodded, “Emma, I love you, I do.  Just use your power, tell me I am lying?”

“Just because you think you do now, does not mean that you will later or that you are not lying to yourself.” Emma argued.

“No, but I know that I will always love you.  You are the most beautiful, talented, smart, wonderful woman I have ever known.  I would follow you through time itself if it meant always being with you.  I know I may have told you too early, but I meant every word.  Please, Emma.  Take a chance?” Killian was looking at her with so much hope.

Emma shook her head, “I can’t Killian.  I can’t take a chance that I am wrong.  I don’t have it in me.  You will move on and be fine.  Please stop contacting me.”

“Is that what you truly wish?  That I no longer try?” Killian looked devastated.

“Yes, Killian, just stop trying.  Stop fighting for this.  Go live your life.” She was trying to not show that this was affecting her.  If she gave him any hope, she knew he would keep fighting no matter what she said.

Killian took a steadying breath and as he breathed out, it looked to Emma as if his entire spirit was crushed in that one instant.  Like someone had blown out the candle that lit his eyes.  He turned to walk away, throwing over his shoulder, “As you wish.”

Emma avoided David’s eyes as she went back to the television. 

“Emma”

“No, I’m watching this show” Emma tried to ignore her brother.

“You can’t do this” he stated with certainty.

“Yes, I can.” Emma was being stubborn and she knew it.

“Why” David asked.

The damn broke for Emma.  “Because I love him and I would ruin his life.  He deserves better than me.  He will just discover how unworthy I am and resent me.  I love him and that is why I can’t be with him.”  She sobbed uncontrollably as David wrapped his arms around her.

David could not understand her sometimes but he loved her so much.  He wanted her to be happy but he knew the best way for her to do that was to come to her own conclusions.  He felt that maybe if she just took a step back from this, she would realize that Killian Jones was the best thing for her.

~~~~~

Emma cleaned herself up and grabbed some coffee before heading back to David’s room.  She paused as she heard laughter from the room.

“Hey!” David said cheerily.

“So have you two exchanged numbers?” She asked, looking between David and Mary Margaret.  Both of them turned a bright shade of red.

“Oh, umm, we weren’t” Mary Margaret stumbled.

“It’s ok” Emma reassured them, “It will be our secret.”

Mary Margaret smiled, “Thank you Emma.  I need to go, but I hope you feel better David”

David had a huge grin, “I definitely will.  I’ll talk to you soon.”

Mary Margaret giggled and Emma swatted David’s arm. “Ow, what was that for?” he asked.

“One for getting into an accident just to get the nurse’s phone number and Two for scaring me.  Don’t do that again David.  Even if it is defending my honor” she teased him. “Are you ready to get out of here?”

David looked away guiltily, “Actually, I was hoping to see Killian before I left?”

Emma blanched, “Um, yeah sure, I can show you the way.”

“What happened?” David asked worriedly.

“Who says anything happened?” Emma tried to deflect.

“Emma, I know that look.  What happened?” David could be stubborn too.

Emma told David about the injuries Killian had and the loss of his hand.  She also told him about the fight.

“He looks pretty bad David.  And not just from the accident.  He looks like he has not been sleeping or taking care of himself.” Emma was reluctant to voice her concerns.

David shook his head, “He hasn’t.”

“Why not?  What has been going on?” Emma asked.

“Do you really want to know?” David asked her, looking straight into her eyes.

Emma waffled.  Did she want to know?  She felt she owed it to herself to find out.  She nodded and David sighed.

“He has been like that since that day a couple of months ago.  The day you sent him away.  He said his life had lost meaning.  All he has done since that day is go to work and home.  Last night was the first night that we had been able to get him out.  The first night I had seen him smile.  Then Will came along and you could see the pain all over again.  He tried to hide it but I saw it.” David shook his head sadly.

“Why would he do all that.  Why won’t he just move on?” Emma asked.

“Have you?”  David asked honestly.

Emma was taken aback by the question. “What?”

“Have you moved on?” David asked again.

“I was on a date last night” Emma said.

David laughed, “That does not answer my question.”

Emma swallowed heavily, looking everywhere but at her brother. “No, but it doesn’t change anything.  I ruined everything”

“Emma, you are the most stubborn woman I know” David said.

“Hey!”

David grasped her hand, “You have not ruined anything.  He still loves you.  If you would admit that you love him too, he would forgive you.”

Emma shook her head, “He doesn’t.  He told me to leave.”

David rolled his eyes.  “He is in pain, Emma.  He just learned he lost a hand and the woman who broke his heart was there to witness that shame.”

Emma scoffed, “What shame?  It was an accidental injury that he got saving my brother.  It does not make him any less of a man.  If anything it makes me love him even more.”  Emma’s eyes widened at that admission.

“Whoa, calm down.   I know that but he doesn’t” David held up his hands.

Emma deflated.  David was right.  She was the reason she and Killian were miserable.  She had realized her mistake that night but she had been too stubborn to realize it.  She had thought that she had permanently pushed away the one person she wanted the most.  He couldn’t possibly love her after that.  She reached over to give David a hug.

“He really still loves me after everything?” Emma asked hopefully.

David laughed loudly, “If I had to listen to him play one more break-up song, I was going to puke.”

Emma chuckled. “How am I going to tell him?”

“I will help.  Just show me where he is and we will go from there.” David said smiling and holding his hand out for her.

Emma nodded and led the way.  She stopped just outside the door.

“He was in pretty bad shape when I left” Emma whispered.  David nodded his acknowledgement and went in.  Emma decided that the best thing would be for her to go grab some breakfast and let them talk.  After spending as much time as she could waste in the hospital cafeteria, Emma got a text on her phone from David.

_Meet me outside._

Emma sighed.  It must have not gone well.  She felt a little disappointed.  She walked out to see her brother leaning against a post with a frown.

“That bad huh?” Emma tried to joke.

David shook his head.  “Not exactly but you two are perfect for each other.  He will come around Emma.”

Emma nodded.  “Ok, let’s get you home.”

~~~~~

A few days later, Emma was just putting the clothes in the dryer when she got a call from David.

“Hey” she said.

“I need you to go get him from the hospital.” David said without preamble.  Emma did not need to ask who he was talking about.  He had been keeping her updated on Killian but Killian had refused her any visits.

“He won’t like that.” Emma said.

“Nope.  But he is a stubborn ass.  He just called and asked me to come because the hospital won’t allow him to leave on his own with the medications that he is taking.  I, of course, told him I would be over as fast as I could.  But I suddenly feel very dizzy and I don’t think it is safe to drive.” David said, laughing at his own joke.

Emma sighed.  This was it.  She could grow up and face this head on or she could run.  She had recently been reminded about how good she was at running and she bristled at the thought of that being true.  Her misery would be of her own doing if she did not try.

“Fine.” Emma said.

David whooped, “One more thing….”

~~~~~

Emma knocked quietly on the door and heard Killian yell “Come In”.  He was sitting on the bed with his back to the door.

“Dave, what took you so long, I am going bloody bonkers here…” Killian trailed off when he saw Emma and she could practically see the wall go up in his eyes. “Emma, where is David?”

“He was feeling dizzy.” Emma supplied.

Killian squinted his eyes, “I see.  Well thanks for coming but I will just call Robin.”

Emma hesitated but then renewed her resolve. “Killian, I know you don’t want me here.  But please just let me take you home and talk.  You once asked me to take a chance and I didn’t but I am going to be a hypocrite and ask you to do the same.  Just give me a chance?”

Killian could see her struggle to hold in tears and it melted some of the hard demeanor.  Damn him, he could never say no to this woman.  She was going to be the death of him.  He thought for a moment longer before he acknowledged defeat.

“Did David give you my stuff?” he asked.

Emma nodded, “He told me what you needed.” She started to pull out the sweatpants and T-shirt that she knew were Killian’s favorite lounging clothes.

Killian hid the tear that escaped when he realized that she remembered his favorites.  He cleared his throat.  “I’ll just…can you give me a moment?”

Emma jumped in realization.  “Oh sure.  How about I just shut the curtain?”

Killian nodded.  Emma pulled the curtain shut and listened as Killian changed his clothes.  It took a lot longer than normal and she heard him cursing and almost asked if he wanted help but she figured it would be best to let him ask for it if he wanted it.  When he was finished, he let her know and she opened the curtain again.  Killian rang for the nurse and they got him all checked out.  She went and fetched the car and helped him into it when he was wheeled out of the hospital.

They drove in silence to his apartment.  Emma glanced over to see him staring out the window.  She did not miss the way he cradled his left arm or that he had hidden it in the sleeve of the hoodie she had brought to keep the chill away.  Emma helped him out of the car, allowing him to lean a little when standing made him a bit tipsy.  She got him inside and helped him to the couch.  She went to the kitchen to get him some water.  She was having a hard time thinking of what to say to him.

“Swan?” Killian asked after she kept hovering and semi-pacing.

“Hmm?” She asked while straightening a stack of magazines.

“You wanted to talk? If not, it is fine if you want to leave.” He said.

“No, I mean yes I want to talk.  I just don’t know how.  I don’t want you to think this is pity.” Emma chewed on her bottom lip to keep herself from babbling.

Killian closed his eyes and sighed. “I should not have said what I did.”

Emma interrupted, “You had every right.  But I want you to know that I mean what I say now.”

“Alright, I’m listening” he said as he locked his gaze with hers.

Emma took a deep breath “I’minlovewithyouandIwaswrongandIshouldnothavepushedyouaway.”

Killian chuckled, “What?  I did not catch a word of that.”

Emma blushed.  “I was wrong and I should not have pushed you away.  I knew I was wrong but I thought you would never forgive me and I made us both miserable.”  Tears were streaming down her face now.

Killian reached up and wiped them away from her cheeks.  “Oh Emma, don’t you know that I would always forgive you?  Even when I wanted to be mad at you I couldn’t.  Believe me, I tried.  But I just can’t because I love you.”

“You still love me?” Emma could not believe her ears.

“Aye.  I never stopped.  I tried so bloody hard to forget you but I still love you.  You have ruined me for anyone else.” He smiled at her and she felt like it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

“Killian, I love you.” Emma said.  She watched as disbelief and surprise crossed his face.  Then she saw the return of the self-loathing.

“You can’t possibly Emma.  I’m no longer the man I was.  I am just a burden now.” He refused to look at her face when she realized his words were true.  Emma forced his chin back and waited until he met her eyes.

“You are enough for me.  This doesn’t change who you are” she said as she held his left arm in her hands.  She refused to let him pull away.  She carefully got as closed to him as she dared without hurting his sore abdomen and laid her head on his heart. “I know things have changed for you.  But you are not and will never be a burden. The burden was not having you in my life.  I have felt so empty and it was because I was not with you.  I know you don’t believe me but let me prove it.  I will prove to you that I love you for the rest of our lives if that is what it takes.”

Emma could feel his tears dropping into her hair.  His body relaxed and he wrapped his arm around her.  She let him cry and shed a few tears of her own.  She cried because she was happy but also because she could not believe that she had almost left him out of her life.  After what seemed like hours, she could feel him fighting sleep.

“Let’s get you to bed.  The discharge sheets say you need plenty of rest.  I also need to go get you the prescriptions they wrote.” Emma said.  Killian’s arms tightened around her for a moment.

“Will you stay?” he asked hopefully.

Emma nodded.  “I promise that I will be back as soon as they are ready.”

Killian nodded and let Emma tuck him into bed.  “I love you Emma.” He said before nodding off.

“I love you Killian” Emma replied, unsure if he heard her.

~~~~~

**2 Years Later**

“Emma can you come here please?”  Killian called from the bedroom.

Emma walked in and then looked at his appearance.  His shirt was half unbuttoned and he did not have his shoes on.  “Why aren’t you ready?  They will be here any minute.”

“I need help” he said gesturing to his shoes.  They were the new black shoes she had gotten him and they were not his favorite but she had wanted him to wear them tonight.

“You know how to put shoes on.” Emma sighed as she knelt down and started to fiddle with one of the shoes.

“Well I think there is something stuck in one of them and I can’t get it out.” Killian said as he knelt next to her.  Emma pulled out a box from one of his shoes.  She thought she must have put some of her jewelry in these shoes on their last trip to save space in the suitcase. “Aha” she said.

Killian grabbed the box from her hand, “What shoes are you wearing?”

Emma looked askance at him, “My red heels, why?”

Killian opened the box with the ring in it, “Harder to run in those.”

Emma looked from him to the ring box with a ring that was definitely not hers and back to him.

“Emma Swan, will you marry me?” He asked hopefully.  She could see all the love shining in his eyes.  Emma hesitated, waiting for the panic to set in.  All she could feel was elated at the prospect of spending her life with this man.  She was taking so long to answer that she felt Killian stiffen and begin to pull away.

“Yes” she said.

He looked at her with a question in his eyes.

She nodded, “Yes I will marry you.”

Killian smiled.  He kissed her lightly on the lips and then looked in her eyes again, “I was so afraid it would push you away.  You don’t know how happy this makes me.”

Emma was having trouble keeping her composure.  “You don’t ever have to worry about me leaving you again.  Do you remember what happened at the hospital?”

Killian looked away guiltily, “Not my finest hour, love.”

“But you were right.  I was good at running and when you told me to run again, I did.  But only for a moment.  I could not go farther than just outside the hospital.  And I cried.” Emma tried to explain.

“I’m so sorry Emma” Killian tried to apologize.

Emma shook her head, “I wasn’t crying about that.  Well I was a little. But I was also crying because I was so relieved.  You were going to be ok.  You may have hated me for the rest of your life but you were alive and I did not know that I needed that until the moment I faced the prospect that you could have died never knowing how I really felt.”

“Emma” Killian choked out past the lump growing in his throat.  He searched her eyes.

“I love you Killian.  Now and forever I am yours.  I won’t ever run again, at least not without you by my side.” Emma said.

Killian kissed her soundly and then pulled her into a hug.  “I love you Emma.”

“Now can I have that ring?” Emma asked.

Killian laughed and put it on her finger.  He pulled her in for another kiss just as the doorbell rang.  Emma got up to answer the door and Killian slipped on his shoes and finished the buttons on his shirt.  He was greeted to the sight of a gushing Mary Margaret embracing Emma.  David came over and stood beside him.

“So she said yes?” David asked.

“Aye” Killian replied.

“I told you to wait until she was wearing the heels” David smirked at Killian.

“I heard that!” Emma said and they all laughed.  She returned to Killian’s side and walked out with the others to go have their dinner.

Killian stopped her just at the door.  He pulled her hand up and gave her a kiss where the ring sat on her finger. “Thank you for making me a whole man Emma” he said with sincerity.

Emma blushed, “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

“Never” he said and kissed her.  David honked the horn.

“Hey you two, we are going to be late.  You have the rest of your lives for kissing!” David yelled out to them.

“Hmm, I like the sound of that” Emma said as she pulled away.

Killian gave her a dazzling smile, “Aye, my love, to the end of time.”  Forever with the woman of his dreams, Killian could not imagine a better life.


	11. Captain Cobra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry gets frustrated and Killian is there to help.

“I GIVE UP!” Henry shouted as he threw the book across the room. 

Killian looked up, a bit startled at the outburst, yet his expression softened as he took in the boy’s angry face and stance.  They had been searching for what felt like weeks and were no closer to finding Emma or Merlin’s whereabouts.  He understood the need to throw things and rant and rave but he also knew that none of that would help them.  He had wallowed in his own misery for a few days before David had reminded him that Emma was counting on them to help her out of this dark situation and she was not to be found at the bottom of a rum barrel.

“Henry“ Killian reached out to put his hand on the boy’s shoulder.  Henry tensed and turned away, angrily swiping at his face.  Killian’s heart ached for the child, so close to becoming a man yet still too young to have weathered the last few years.

Henry tried to pull away but Killian just gripped a bit harder and pulled Henry towards him. He wrapped his arm around the boy and held him tight. “I know you are frustrated lad, as am I.  Perhaps we should take a break.  Go grab some of those fries you love at Granny’s?”

He felt Henry’s barely perceptible shake of the head. “We can’t” Henry choked out before he tensed even more, trying to hold his emotions at bay.

“It’s ok Henry…let it out.” Killian quietly soothed him.  He felt Henry’s arms come around his body and then the boy was sobbing.  Killian rubbed his hand up and down Henry’s back, trying to comfort him as best he could.  He had once failed the boy’s father but he would not fail this child.  He owed it to himself and to Henry to be the strong one even while he felt as if he were drowning in the darkness without the sunshine that she provided.

After long moments, Henry’s sobbing turned to quiet tears and then to sniffles.  Killian felt him pull away and he allowed Henry to separate from his embrace. “I’m sorry” Henry said.

“Never apologize for being human, lad” Killian interrupted. “Your heart is pure and you miss your mother.  It’s ok to cry now and then.  Good for the soul.” Killian chuckled a little.

“Do you?” Henry asked.

Killian swallowed hard and scratched behind his ear.  He looked down at the floor. “Aye.  Every night.”

Henry’s eyes widened. “What if we don’t find her?”

“We aren’t going to think that way, Henry.  We will find her.  I will not rest until you have your mother back.” Killian vowed with all the sincerity he could muster.

“But if we don’t, you won’t leave will you?” Henry asked fearfully.

Killian thought for a moment, “You have my word that I will not leave you unless you want me to and even then it would have to be a compelling reason for me to do so.”

Henry nodded his head “Good.”

Killian laughed at that.  He started to turn away to look through yet another book that might lead them in the right direction.  Henry reminded him of himself at a young age, full of hopes and dreams and a fire for adventure.  He would make damn sure that the light in Henry was never extinguished as it had been for him.  The boy deserved the world and Killian intended to make sure he got it.

After a few moments, Henry spoke again, “Killian?”

“Aye?” he asked.

“Don’t tell grandpa?” Henry blushed, “About the crying.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it lad.  It will be our secret.” Killian smiled.

“Thank you” Henry replied with a smile of his own.  He thought for a moment and Killian could tell he was trying to work out something else he wanted to say.

“I miss her at night too.” Henry quietly confessed. “But I don’t think she would want us to cry for her every night.  Do you remember that constellation you showed me?  The Cygnus one?”

Killian nodded, not trusting the lump in his throat to allow him to speak.

“I looked it up and I found out it means ‘Swan’.  So now, at night, when I am missing mom the most, I look out at it and I feel better.  Like she is watching over us in the sky until we can bring her home.” Henry admitted.

Killian cleared his throat.  “That is a very noble idea.”

Henry nodded and looked away, “So maybe, we could look at it together each night before we go home?  That way you won’t feel so alone?  My mom would want to know that you are ok too.”

A tear escaped Killian’s eye and ran down his cheek.  “That would be wonderful Henry.”  Killian was floored by Henry’s offer and could feel a little of the weight lifting off his own shoulders at the boy’s generosity.

Henry smiled.  “How about those fries now?”

Killian agreed, “Aye, lead the way” He followed Henry out of the library, feeling lighter than he had since that dagger fell to the ground with Emma’s name etched onto it.  They would find a way to save her and then they would be a family.  He would make sure they all got their happy endings.


	12. No Bull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian rides bulls and Emma is visiting from the city.

Emma Swan had never been to a rodeo.  They just did not have them in the city where she grew up.  Truthfully, she had not really been very enthusiastic about visiting her cousin Mary at first.  Then things with her now ex-boyfriend had changed for the worse and Emma found herself needing a change of pace.  So she warily packed her things and headed for Texas.

Emma had been in Texas for a few weeks when Mary suggested the rodeo.  They had not done much socializing since she had arrived.  The farms and ranches were pretty far from what Emma would call “civilization” and they mostly just spent lazy days sitting around talking or reading.  They did visit the creek nearby for some water fun but Emma was starting to get a little bit of cabin fever and the rodeo sounded like fun.

Mary’s fiancée, David, picked them up and drove them to the next town over.  He was a great guy and she sighed wistfully at their obvious love for each other.  David was very personable and she already felt as if he were a big brother to her.  He had offered to bring a date for her but Emma had politely declined.  The last thing she felt she needed was another man in her life.

They were all laughing and having a great time when the bull riding started.  Most of the riders weren’t that great and Emma had started to lose interest when David heard a name from the announcer.  He straightened a little and paid attention to the arena and that made Emma curious.  She watched the gate where there was a rider wearing pretty much all black with dark black hair.  His face was down and she could only see his head nodding to the other cowboys helping him with mounting the bull.  Then the gate opened.

The first time Emma saw Killian Jones, he was atop a very mad bull.  However, it looked as if both rider and bull were one, the movements of the rider so fluid with the bull that you could almost not tell them apart.  She did not even realize she was holding her breath until the horn sounded that the 8 seconds were up.  Killian dismounted and as the crowd cheered, he gave a cocky little bow.  He looked in their direction and she could have sworn he winked at her before doffing his cap to the crowd and running out of the arena.

Emma learned from David that Killian was one of his closest friends and that he was probably the best bull rider in the country.  Indeed, he had won the competition that evening and from what she learned from David, he hadn’t lost one yet.  Mary just snorted and when questioned she told Emma that she thought Killian was a scoundrel and a womanizer that needed to be knocked down a peg.  David just sighed and admonished her, saying she did not know him that well and should give him a chance.  They were still arguing when the man in question came into view.

“Killian!  Congratulations, man” David said and clapped him on the back.

“Thanks, mate” Killian said and smiled.  Emma sucked in a sharp breath as she took him in.  He had jet black hair and bright, blue eyes.  A small scar sat on his right cheek and his chin and jaw were covered in light, reddish scruff.  The overall affect was stunning and she felt a shiver down her spine.  He glanced at her curiously before raising an eyebrow at David.

David cleared his throat, “Killian, this is Mary’s cousin, Emma Swan.  She is here all the way from Boston.”

Killian took her hand and brushed a kiss across the top while looking into her eyes.  “A pleasure to meet you, Emma.”  He smiled and she felt a jolt of electricity between them.  She was reluctant to let him go but he released her hand.

“Nice to meet you, Killian.  Your riding was amazing.” Emma silently berated herself on her lack of finesse in this matter but dear lord the man had an accent too and it was having an effect on her.

He blushed a little. “Thank you” he said with a small tip of his hat to her.

Mary looked between the two and then smiled.  She nudged David and then gave him a look.

“Hey Killian, we were going to get a burger, would you like to join us?” David asked.

“Aye, that sounds brilliant.  If I won’t be intruding?” he asked while looking hopefully at Emma.

Emma glanced at Mary and then said, “The more the merrier.”  Killian smiled and David led the way back to the parking.  He followed them to the diner in his own truck and they all got a booth in the back.

Emma sat next to Killian one side and Mary and David sat on the other.  They all laughed and had a great time.  Emma did not realize it had gotten so late until David yawned and she looked at her watch.  She had been having one of the best nights in her life.  The four of them seemed to have an easy companionship and nothing had seemed strained or forced.  Killian insisted on paying for the meal since he had won some cash that night.

As they were making their goodbyes outside, Killian pulled Emma aside for a moment.

He scratched behind his ear and it was the first time that Emma saw some vulnerability, “Emma, I had a great time tonight.  I was wondering if, perhaps, I could take you out on a date?”

Emma hesitated.  She was still hurting from her ex-boyfriend and was not quite ready to trust anyone again, but she had a great time too and she felt that she might be missing a great opportunity to get to know him.

“That’s ok, lass, perhaps another time.  Goodnight” Killian sounded disappointed but he had seen her hesitance in her eyes.  He turned to go back to his truck.

“Killian?”  Emma called after him.  He turned with a questioning look, “I’d love to.”  Killian nodded and then walked off whistling a tune.  Emma smiled and joined David and Mary in the truck.

They were pretty silent on the way home but as soon as they were in bed, Mary bombarded Emma with questions.  Emma did not have the answer to most of them but she laughed at Mary’s enthusiasm.  Mary seemed to think she might have been wrong about Killian and Emma agreed.

~~~~~

Throughout the summer, Emma and Killian got closer and closer.  She learned that although he had a reputation as a womanizer, it was merely to hide the fact that he had not been dating anyone since a relationship had ended badly a few years ago.  She also learned that he had come to Texas with his big brother to work as ranch hands.  Their father had abandoned them shortly after coming to America with them and the only work his brother could find was on the ranch.  They had gone through some tough years but had learned all the ins and outs of the ranch and had become pretty skilled in their trade.

Killian learned about Emma and her city life.  Her parents were pretty well off and she was attending law school.  He learned of the scandal of her cheating ex-boyfriend and sympathized with her need to escape the spotlight for a while.  He also learned what could make her smile and what would send her into a passionate lecture.  He liked goading her the best because the fire she displayed stole his heart.

Emma and Killian became almost inseparable.  She watched each bull ride with rising fear in her throat.  She knew he was a great rider but now she also knew how dangerous it could be.  She had seen many guys get hurt while in the arena and she did not want Killian to be one of them.  She was scared to admit that she was falling in love with him.  The summer was coming to an end and she was going to be going home and back to school soon.  Emma was conflicted – she felt her heart being pulled one way and her mind in another way.

Emma woke up the last day of her stay in Texas with a bad feeling.  The air was thick and she knew that a storm would be blowing in.  She and Mary were headed to the last rodeo of the season, Killian was riding and Emma feared the worst.  When they arrived, she found him and begged him not to ride but he told her “not to worry darling” and kissed the top of her head.  She felt angry at him for dismissing her fears and angry at herself for feeling apprehensive.

Emma tapped her foot in impatience for the rodeo to be done.  When it came time for his turn, she watched with dread as he mounted the bull and the gate opened.  She felt like it was 8 hours instead of 8 seconds watching him ride that bull.  Again, he was flawless, moving as if he was taking a Sunday stroll.  She slumped with relief as the horn sounded announcing his time was up.  That was when chaos broke free.  David jumped down into the arena.  At first Emma was confused, he had ridden and should be done, but when she looked again, she noticed Killian’s hand was caught in the ropes tied tightly around the bull.  He was hanging off the side with only his hand being the only point of contact while the bull thrashed and kicked.  David and a few of the other cowboys were trying to get the rope off the bull’s privates to get it to slow down.  They finally did and Killian’s hand slipped out and he fell in the dirt.  The very next moment, the bull’s hooves came crashing down on Killian.  Someone screamed and at first Emma did not realize it was her.  The deathly silence was too loud in her ears and she felt like throwing up.  The other cowboys got the bull out of the arena and David knelt by Killian.  Fear sliced through Emma when she did not see him moving.  After a few moments, David and the other medics moved to help Killian stand.  Tears began streaming down Emma’s face as he picked up his hat and waved it to the now cheering crowd and limped away.

Emma made her way down to the back end of the arena where Killian was sitting on the bumper of an ambulance.  She waited for a moment with her fists clenched at her sides.  Killian looked up, saw her and smiled.  She could see the pain in his eyes.  “Hey sunshine” he called at her and winked.  That was when Emma lost it.  She marched up to him and slapped him soundly in the face.  Emma then spun on her heels and ran away as fast as she could, sobbing freely now.

Emma refused to talk to Mary about any of her feelings and silently packed her bags.  She was also silent the next day on the drive to the airport after reassuring Mary that she had no interest in checking on Killian before they headed out.  Mary watched her worriedly from her seat next to David but respected her decision.  She refused to cry any more after she had stopped the night before and if he wanted to be stubborn and get himself killed, then she would have no part in it.  At the airport, David helped her get her bag out of the back and then hugged her goodbye telling her “Don’t be a stranger”.  Mary watched them and then gave David a look so he went and got back in the truck.

“Thanks for letting me come.  You should come up to Boston next year.” Emma said, trying to be cheerful.

“Emma…” Mary started to say.

Emma shook her head.  Mary nodded and gave her a hug.

Mary held onto Emma’s hands as they parted, “Let me just say one thing and then I will drop it.  When you came here, I could tell that your life was falling apart and you were lost.  But being here and being with Killian.”

“Don’t” Emma said, biting her lip.

“Being with Killian,” Mary stated firmly, “That was the happiest I have ever seen you.  I was wrong about him and you shouldn’t leave it like this.  You will always regret it if you do.   David brought a note from him and I put it in your purse.  Just read it.  Give him a chance.”

Emma nodded and Mary smiled.  She picked up her bag and walked into the airport after giving a last wave to David.  Emma went through check in and sat in the airport lounge.  She refused to read the letter and just ignored it.  She slept fitfully on the plane, haunted by nightmares of Killian being carried away instead of limping away.  Her head pounded and she forgot all about the letter after she got home and crawled in bed, ignoring her mother’s questions.

~~~~~

A week passed and Emma had forgotten all about the letter.  She had tossed it on her desk and ignored it.  She got a text from Mary, nagging her about reading it and that is when she went looking for it.  The letter had fallen down between her desk and the wall and would have stayed that way possibly forever if not for her nosy cousin.

Emma held it and stared at it for what seemed like hours.  She finally took a deep breath and opened it.  There in flowing handwriting were the words she thought she would never have from anyone.

_Emma,_

_I’m sorry I did not listen to you, love.  Instincts should be listened to but I wanted that trophy so much.  I’ve been saving the money for something special and needed to win.  I didn’t mean to scare you or hurt you.  I wish to beg your forgiveness, I promise that if you give me another chance, I will always listen to you in the future._

_I love you._

_Killian_

Emma started crying again.  She re-read the last line twenty times mulling them over and over in her head.  How could he love her?  She had abandoned him at the first sign of trouble.  She didn’t even know the extent of his injuries.  She hadn’t even said goodbye.  What kind of person was she?

Emma texted Mary to see if she could come back and stay with her again for a few days.  Mary called her instead of texting her back.  She asked Emma a few questions until she realized that Emma wanted to see Killian.

“He’s not here” Mary stated.

“Oh. What?” Emma felt dizzy.  He had already given up on her.

“Well, two days ago he got out of the hospital and asked David to come help him with something.  When David got back, he said that Killian had left town.” Mary sighed.

“Was he…what happened?”  Emma asked.

“The injury?” Mary tried to clarify.

Emma nodded to the phone as if Mary could see her.  She cleared her throat, “Yeah.”

“Oh, he had some bruised ribs.  They thought he had a punctured lung but didn’t so that was great.  His arm though.  He may never ride again.  They had to put pins in his arm and wrist but the bull crushed almost all of the bones in his left hand. “ Mary tried to be delicate with the news.

Emma’s tears started all over again.  Killian’s whole life had been the rodeo.  She thanked Mary and hung up.  Not only had she abandoned him but now his life was ruined.  She was sobbing into her pillow when her mother knocked on her door.

“Emma?” her mother asked.  Emma looked up. “Sweetheart, you might want to wash your face, you have a visitor.”

Emma looked surprised, “Who?”

Her mother smiled, “A young man with an accent.  Says he came from Texas and wouldn’t leave until he talked to you.”

Emma jumped up and flew past her mother, ignoring her questioning.  She ran into her living room to see Killian standing there, his hat in his right hand.  Despite the cast covering most of his left arm, he looked amazing.  She took a running leap into his arms and he caught her as best he could, dropping his hat and giving a groan of pain.  Emma lowered her feet.

“Oh Killian, your ribs, I’m so sorry.” Emma gushed.

“It’s ok, love” he smiled at her and she felt like she was seeing the sun for the first time in days.

Emma hugged him more gently and he put his arm around her, resting his cheek in her hair.

“How did you get here?  Why are you here?” Emma asked.

Killian chuckled and scratched his ear, “Dave took me to the airport and I flew here.  As to why, don’t you know?”

Emma shook her head.  Killian glanced behind her then stared back into her eyes, “Would you take a walk with me?”

Emma nodded.  “Mom, I’ll be back later” she said and then she grabbed his hand and picked up his hat.

They walked along the sidewalk until they got to a little park.  They sat on the bench and just stared happily at each other for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry—“ They both said at the same time and laughed.  Killian tipped his head at her.  “Ladies first” he said with a wink.

Emma grinned, “Killian, I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye and seeing if you were ok.  I was so mad that you got hurt and I was afraid that if I stayed then you would break me.  I can’t see anything happening to you.  I don’t think I could handle it.”

Killian nodded, “I’m sorry too.  I should have listened to you.  Emma, you are the light in my life.  I don’t ever want to lose you and if it means quitting the rodeo, I would do it for you Emma.  I would do anything you asked.  I love you, Emma.”

Emma leaned in and kissed him.  When they broke apart, Emma smiled, “I love you too.”

Killian huffed, “You do?  Truly?”

“Aye” Emma said, mocking his accent.  He laughed and kissed her again.  They rested their foreheads together.  “What did you need the money for anyway?”

Killian straightened, “Well, darling, I needed to get something.”

“What?” she asked curiously.

He smiled then removed his hat, setting it on the bench.  He ran a hand through his hair as he knelt and reached into his pocket.  He withdrew a ring box and opened it.  Emma gasped and then covered her mouth with her hand.  Killian took her other hand.

“Emma Swan, would you do this old cowboy a favor and give me the honor of being my wife?” he asked.

Emma nodded.

“Yes”? he said.

“Yes” she replied.  He stood up and put the ring on her finger.  Then whooped and kissed her while twirling her around.  He only stopped when she noticed the slight grimace as she held onto him.  After checking to make sure he was ok, she kissed him softly again.

~~~~~

Two months later, in a sunset ceremony on the ranch where Liam worked, Emma Swan became Emma Jones.  Her groom cleaned up nicely and was stunning in tuxedo with a red vest.  The smile on his face was even more stunning.  She wore a simple gown but he wasted no time in telling her she was beautiful at least a dozen times.

They sat on the swing, decorated with twinkling lights, watching the moon and the stars, while taking a break from all the dancing.  He had his arm around her and she was cuddled against his chest.

“I’m the luckiest man on earth” he proclaimed, holding her tighter to him.

“Hmm, I would say I roped a good one as well” she said with a grin.”

He groaned, “That was a bad joke, my love.”

She laughed, “Probably but you love me.”

“Aye, I do indeed” he said and kissed the top of her head.

Emma nodded, “I love you.”

Killian hummed in approval and contentment.  They sat in companionable silence with the moon hung low in the sky and the crickets chirping.  Emma never thought a city girl could like the quiet but found that as long as Killian was by her side, anywhere was home.


	13. Fire in Our Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian is injured and it is up to Emma to help him heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CS AU. There is a canon character death - I'm sorry.

One month is all it took to turn Emma’s world upside down.  Just 30 days.  Sometime in the future she might look back on it all and laugh at the absurdity of it but today she just shut her eyes and sighed.  She had known she wanted changes in her life, she just did not ask for them to be this drastic and immediate.  She had felt good leaving Storybrooke to go on assignment for a while.  No phones and no computers sounded like heaven to her.  She did not take into account that also meant no updates on her friends and family and no one to contact her in case of any emergencies.

_Earlier that week_

Emma peered out the window as the plane was landing.  She had been gone for 3 weeks on an assignment in Africa.  She had loved her time there and had felt like some progress was made on the vaccine program and school building.  The only thing she had left was to write up her report for the foundation.  She knew that after she got settled, she would have to talk with Killian.  He had not been keen on her going and it had led to an argument the day she left.  To tell the truth, his concerns had been valid, she had gotten ill for the first week she was there and thought she might die for how awful she felt, but she was young and strong and had recovered and more than made up for the down time.  He had called and left a message that she listened to before her flight had left.

_Swan, I don’t do this often, so treasure it love.  I’m sorry for upsetting you.  I guess the prospect of not seeing your shining face for a month did not exactly make me happy.  That, mixed with where you are headed, got to me.  I hope you have a great time darling.  I am proud of you for trying to save the world.  Be safe._

Emma had not responded to him, figuring she would let him sweat it out to truly think about what he had done.  She hoped he knew that she could never stay mad at him.  He had been her best friend for years and no matter how much they argued, they always mended it in the end.

After landing, Emma turned on her phone while she waited at baggage claim.  She pulled up Killian’s number and texted him.  Almost instantly, she got back a message _Your text could not be sent._ She tried a second time with the same result.  Just then her phone rang and she answered the call.

“David?” she asked.

“Hi, Emma.  I’m here to pick you up.  The board says your flight landed but I was at the wrong terminal.  I’ll be there in a moment.” He said.

Emma acknowledged him and grabbed her bag.  She saw David walk up and she ended the call.  She would check all the texts and voicemails that were currently making her pocket buzz in the car.

David hugged her and helped her with the bag and into the car.  The drove in silence a moment before Emma got the courage to ask the burning question.

“Where’s Killian?” she asked.

David squirmed in his seat, “He couldn’t come.”

Emma nodded, “Why not?  Work again?”  Killian worked as a detective with his brother in the same police precinct as David.  They were notoriously bad about calling him in on his off days because the Jones brothers were the best detectives they had.

“Something like that” David said, squirming again.

Emma’s inner alarm bells started blaring.  “What aren’t you telling me?”

David shook his head. “Emma, let’s talk when we get you home.”

She started to argue but the look he shot her stopped the protest from spilling out.  She started to check her texts and they did little to assuage her fears.  Most of them were harmless, but a few made no sense.  _Let us know if you guys need anything. We are praying for you.  Stay strong._ Those were the ones that had her heart racing.

After what felt like an eternity, they made it to her apartment.  David silently got her bag and followed her up the stairs.  She tried hard to regulate her breathing and walk instead of run up the stairs.  When she got there, the door swung open and Mary Margaret was there to welcome her.  Mary Margaret threw her arms around her and hugged for all she was worth.  Emma tamped down on her annoyance, happy so see the woman.  The trio made it into the apartment and over to the living room.

Emma sat next to Mary Margaret and looked at both she and David expectantly.

“Killian and Liam have been working that big drug sting operation” David started.  Emma knew this.  The brothers had been trying to take down a local drug lord who was sailing tainted drugs to kids.  Killian had been particularly driven since the case hit very close to home to his own upbringing with a drug addicted father.

Emma nodded and waited for him to continue.  Mary Margaret reached over and took her hand.

“About a week after you left, there was an opportunity that was too good to pass up.  Some insider information gave them the ammunition they needed to haul in Gold by catching him red-handed.  It was open and shut, they had the bastard.  Even had him in cuffs…what we didn’t know is that there was a mole on the force.”  David struggled to keep his tone even.

Emma’s head was swimming.  No.  She kept screaming the word over and over in her head, trying to will the tears forming in her eyes from dropping. David cleared his throat and continued, “Gold got hold of a gun and started shooting.  I was able to shoot him in the knee and disarm him.  We also got the accomplice.  But Liam and Killian.”  David was crying now and Mary Margaret gestured for him to sit next to her.  He leaned his head on her shoulder.

Emma gulped down air. She had never told him. No, she couldn’t think about this.  She needed more.  “They are gone?”  She asked the question with dread, not really wanting the answer but needing confirmation.

Mary Margaret spoke quietly, “Liam died at the scene. Killian is still alive.”

Emma’s heart almost stopped at those words.  “He’s alive?”

David nodded.  Emma jumped up, “Where is he?”  She started to grab her keys but David called her back.

“Emma, there is something else.” David said, stopping her.

~~~~

Emma had been sitting in the waiting room of the therapy wing of the hospital for 5 days.  5 days that she had not yet been able to see Killian because he was refusing any and all visitors.  After the first two days of staring at her blank computer screen, she gave up trying to write her report.  Her superiors at the foundation had given her a leave of absence with the reassurance that her initial call with them was enough for now and to make sure she took care of her family first.  _Family_.  That word was almost a laughable farce to her at the moment.  The only people she considered family were David, Mary Margaret and the Jones brothers, of whom one was now lost forever and the other was refusing to acknowledge that he knew anyone.

Liam had been Killian’s emergency contact.  Liam had been Killian’s world.  As far as Killian was concerned, his older brother hung the moon and the stars and was the paragon of virtue and heroism.  For twenty years, Liam had been father and mother to Killian and the man would never forget that, nothing his brother could do would ever shake his faith in the fact that Liam was the consummate idol.  Emma knew that this was a blow and she winced at the thought that while she was away, he had no one to talk to about the whole situation.  Couple that with his injuries and she could not imagine the horror he had been enduring alone.  Due to Liam’s death, the hospital had been communicating with David, as his now commanding officer on the force.  David had transferred those rights to Emma as his delegate, since he had to deal with picking up the pieces at the precinct.

On the third day of sitting in the waiting room, Emma had sought out Doctor Whale and demanded that he give her a full run down on Killian’s injuries and diagnosis.  The prognosis was not optimistic but she found that the doctor did try to seem hopeful.  The worst of it was the injury Killian had suffered to his spine.  A bullet had pierced it and caused some paralysis, though not total as he did have sensations in his feet when poked.  They had to repair fractures in his spinal column and had him immobilized for a time, though he had been scheduled to start physical therapy that week and was refusing to cooperate with the nurses.  His muscles were just going to atrophy further if he did not start the therapy.  The doctor doubted that Killian would ever be able to go back to full walking capacity on his own, support would probably always be needed, but he thought that he might at least be removed from a wheelchair at some point in the future.  Only time would tell.  The other injuries were minor, a cut to his cheek, a broken finger in his left hand and some broken ribs.

Emma thanked the doctor and after talking to one of the nurses and again being denied access to seeing Killian, she went to her computer and began researching all she could about his injury and how to help him.

The fourth day passed in much the same way and now it was the fifth day and she was beyond frustrated.  She had just received her denial of seeing him yet again.  She huffed and then walked out of the hospital for some fresh air.  She texted David – _Still won’t let me in_ – and then set off for the cemetery on foot.  She had yet to visit the grave.  She found it easily enough, the dirt still raised over it and the stone, placed two days ago now gleaming black and obviously new.

_Liam Jones_

_Beloved Brother_

_1980 – 2015_

Emma’s tears flowed freely.  David had told her that Killian had been in such a state of shock at the beginning that he had been wheeled out of the hospital and brought to the services with no arguments.  It was only after Liam was buried and Killian had recovered a bit that he became the obstinate patient.  He had been removed to the therapy wing once they believed he was out of the most danger and there the nurses did their best but most of them gave him a wide berth.  Liam had always been kind to her and she felt his loss deeply.  He was like the older brother she never had.  Now he was gone and the world seemed cruel and unfair.

Emma walked up the hillside overlooking town and sat down.  This spot had been a favorite of hers and Killian’s when they were younger, always looking out at the world with optimism and hope.  Now the gray weather seemed to echo the gray days she found herself living.

“He’s always been a stubborn ass” David said as he sat down.  For her part, Emma barely acknowledged him, muttering only _hmm._   David knew that Emma was beating herself up for leaving and that she did not need to blame herself for being gone. “You know there is nothing you could have changed.”

“Yeah” Emma said.  She was quiet for a moment.  “You know we fought before I left?”

David nodded, “He told me.  He felt awful for it.  Said he tried to make amends but that he did not know if you got the message.”

“I got it.  Just thought I would make him sweat a little.  I didn’t…” Emma wiped away yet more tears, wishing they would run out soon.

“Emma, he will be ok.  We just need to get him to come around and work with the hospital staff.” David put his arm around her shoulders.

“I don’t know how to help him” she said quietly.

“Well” David said, squaring his shoulders, “Have you told him you love him?”

Emma’s back stiffened, “I don’t…we aren’t…we fight all the time!” she sputtered.

David chuckled, “Anger and passion are two sides of the same coin.”

Emma shook her head, “You and Mary Margaret never fight.”

“We have our moments.  Perhaps we were just born under quieter stars.  I know you love him Emma.  I have seen it in the way you look at him.  Look, it is not my business, but do you remember that day he punched Walsh when he broke it off and called you those names?” David tried hard not to smile at the memory of that bastard with a broken nose, squawking like a monkey.  He had deserved it.

Emma nodded, remembering that day as well.  Walsh had accused her of a lot of things, including being a whore.  None of it had been true, but Killian had flown off the handle and had gotten into some trouble with Liam at the precinct.  He had been put on desk duty for three months because of the incident.  In the end, Walsh had been arrested on charges of money laundering and Killian was forgiven.

“Well, after you stormed off from the berating you gave him, we went out and had some drinks.  We talked about you.” He looked at her cautiously.

“What did he say?” she asked hopefully.

“He said, ‘I’d go to the end of the world for her, or time.’” David paused to let that sink in. “Emma, he has never told you of his feelings because he has never thought he was worthy of you.  But it has been clear since high school that he would follow you into hell if that is where you wanted to go.  He needs you to be the strong one right now.”

David squeezed her shoulder and walked away.  Emma sat there thinking.

The next day, Emma got up with a renewed sense of purpose.  She went to the hospital administrator’s office and talked to her.  Emma got the answer she was hoping for and walked to Killian’s wing with a smile on her face.

In Killian’s room, his therapy nurse, Belle French had just entered with a cheery _Good morning_.  Killian tried to pretend to be asleep and when that didn’t work he shot daggers at Belle.  She went through the motions of checking his chart and his responses.  He refused to talk to her but she knew the feeling was still in his legs at the twitch of his toes as she drew a pen across the tops.  He stared miserably at the wall, hoping she would just leave as she normally did.

“GET. UP.” Emma said from the doorway, startling both Belle and Killian.  His jaw dropped and Belle started protesting her presence.  Emma cut her off, “I have it on good authority that while Mr. Jones is incapacitated and refusing treatment, he is not considered of sound mind and body and therefore his refusal to see his emergency contact is not within his rights.  I have been designated as that contact and am justified in being here.”  Belle looked like a fish out of water.  Emma softened, “Give us a moment, please.”  Belle nodded and left.

During the exchange, Killian’s jaw had begun clenching and by the time Belle had gone, he was back to staring at the wall.  Emma took a moment to look him over, noting the dark circles under his eyes, the scar still red and healing on his cheek.  There appeared to be some sort of wrappings around his torso and his ring finger on his left hand was in a small silver splint.  His legs had wrappings around them that periodically inflated and deflated to keep the circulation going and prevent blood clots.  There was an IV also in his left arm.  His scruff had gone wild and he looked to be in need of both a shave and a haircut.  But he was alive, if surly and Emma felt relief just at the sight of him.  Before this moment, she had known he was alive but she did not realize how much she needed to see it with her own eyes.  After standing there for about five minutes, Killian let out an annoyed huff and glared at her.

“Go away, Swan” he said belligerently.

She shook her head, “Not going to happen.  Get out of that bed.”

He gave a derisive snort, “If you haven’t bloody noticed darling, I seem to be having some difficulties with that request.”

Emma swallowed a retort and pinched his toe hard. “Bloody hell woman!” he exclaimed with indignity.

“You felt that?” she asked innocently.

“Of course I felt that, what do you think you are bloody trying to prove?” he asked with anger.

“I’m proving, moron, that you can still feel your legs.  Which means if you would get off your ass and do as you are told, then you might be able to walk again and get out of this place.” She said, rolling her eyes.

Killian huffed, “What’s the point?  The doctor said I will be off the force and work at a desk the rest of my life.  Maybe even in a wheelchair.”

“But you’re alive” she said quietly.  Killian winced at that and a tear poured down his cheek.  Emma went to him and grabbed his uninjured hand.  He squeezed it a moment and then looked at her, causing her heart to stop at the look of sheer pain in his eyes.

“I shouldn’t be.  Liam was the better man. He jumped in front of me when he realized what was happening.  Bastard got him in the chest…he was in my arms.  I couldn’t save him, Emma…I couldn’t” he choked off on a sob.  Emma reached down and put her arms gently around him.  He sobbed into her and she let him, realizing that he needed the emotional release after so many weeks of bottling it up.  After a while, he quieted and gave her an awkward hug since the IV in his arm was in the way.  She smiled down at him and pulled up a chair.

“So, are you going to get out of that bed?” Emma asked.

Killian studied her a moment, “Persistent aren’t you?”

Emma nodded, “Yep, not going anywhere until you do.”

“How was Africa?” he asked.

“Stop evading the issue” she replied.

“Emma” he warned.

“Killian, you need to get out of that bad and come home” she said.

He shook his head, “I can’t Emma.  I tried.  It hurts and there is no progress. They won’t give me real clothes or take out this bloody needle and I have nothing to go home to anyway.”

Emma was about to protest when Killian’s lunch came in.  She watched him eat and then saw that he was getting tired.  She told him she would come the next day.  Emma went again to talk to the hospital administrator again and though annoyed, the administrator agreed to her requests.  Emma made some calls and set about putting her new plans in place.

The next day, Emma woke bright and early and went to the hospital.  She was let in to see Killian no problem and was pleased to see that he was sitting up in bed flipping through the channels.

He gave her a quick smile when she walked in and raised an eyebrow at the duffle she was carrying.  His smile sobered when he noticed a nurse walking in behind her.

“Back so soon, Swan?” he asked with feigned indifference.

“Yep, I want to make a deal” she said.

A wary look crossed his face and then he schooled it, “What kind of deal?”

“I want you to go to therapy” she started and he cut her off.

“Swan, I told you…” but stopped when she raised her hand.  She waited for him to motion for her to continue.

“I want you to go to therapy and in return you will get some of the things you want.  I brought you some clothes and the hospital has agreed that as long as you behave, you can wear them.  Also, they will remove the IV if you promise to take your oral medications and not spit them out.” She said with a raised eyebrow on that last bit.

He chuckled sheepishly, “What else?”

“What?” she sputtered.

“What else do I get if I am a ‘good boy’” he said, making air quotes.

She shook her head at his newfound boldness.  She thought for a moment and then smiled. “If you agree to do this and not complain, once you are on your feet, I’ll go out on a date with you.”  Killian nearly spit out his water and looked at the nurse, who was hiding a smile, with shock.  He thought a moment.

“Aye, I agree” he said and gave Emma a dazzling grin.

~~~~~

The next few weeks were a blur.  Emma had been busy with her new project and Killian had been making some progress.  Belle gave her status reports as surreptitiously as she could since the day Killian had gone on the warpath when he heard them talking about him.  He had yelled _I can bloody hear you, don’t talk about me like I am deaf_ and Emma had placated him with agreeing that she would make sure that he was present during the updates.  But Emma wanted to know things that he was unwilling to share, so she and Belle had devised a way of meeting without him knowing.  It was for his own good and helped her project with necessary details. Emma had just gotten the update and was on her way to see him.

She was surprised that when she arrived he was sitting his wheelchair instead of the bed.  He hated that wheelchair and everything it represented.  She was just about to question him when Belle walked in behind her, feigning ignorance that Emma had arrived.

“Emma, so nice to see you” Belle greeted.

“You too, Belle.  How’s our patient?” She asked cheerily with a wink at Killian.

Belle started to reply when Killian interrupted. “Actually, love, we have something to show you” with a wide grin.  Belle nodded and motioned for Emma to sit in the chair in his room.  She went back to Killian and whispered something in his ear.  He nodded.  Then Belle helped him put his feet on the floor and folded up the rests.  He took a deep breath and began to stand with Belle’s help.  Emma gasped and held her breath.  Killian walked a few paces and then began to sway.  Emma jumped up and pushed the chair over to him, helping him sit down.  She knelt in front of him and grinned up at him.

“Killian, that’s amazing” she said.

He scratched behind his ear, “Aye.”

Belle was excited, “He has made great progress.  Doctor Whale says that if he wants to go home, it could be arranged.”

Killian’s smile died and he looked down at his lap.  Emma took his hand and looked up at Belle.  “Thank you” she said with tears in her eyes.  Belle nodded and excused herself.

“I think I’m tired now” Killian said and she could feel him pulling away.

“Hey” Emma said, waiting until he looked at her. “I know it is hard, but we can do this together.”  Killian nodded and Emma helped him back over to the bed.  They chatted a bit and Doctor Whale came in to discuss options for Killian going home and home care he would need.

A few days later, Emma was at the hospital to pick up Killian.  He was still wearing the gym pants and t-shirts she had gotten him and she brought a jacket since the weather had turned colder.  He seemed a little less cheery than he had been but Emma knew that once he saw her new project, his mind would be at ease.

 

They drove in silence for a while, Killian staring out the window.  His frown began deepening as he realized they were not going where he expected.

“Swan?”

“Hmm?”

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“It’s a surprise.” Emma said mysteriously and chuckled at the look he gave her. 

They turned down a road near the harbor and stopped in front of a little seaside cottage.  Emma hopped out and went to get the wheelchair out.  She put it on what appeared to be a newly poured concrete sidewalk and helped him into it.  She wheeled him up to the door and opened it.  When she wheeled him into the room, David and Mary Margaret were there in front a banner that read _Welcome Home Killian._

“Surprise” Mary Margaret said and leaned down, kissing his cheek.  David shook his hand.  He looked at all of them and then around the room, noticing his things scattered about.  He was confused since this was not his house.

“Who’s house is this?” he sputtered.

Emma laughed, “Yours.  Well ours actually.”

“I don’t follow.” He said with confusion.  David and Mary Margaret excused themselves to the kitchen.  Emma sat down on a chair facing him.

“I knew that going to your home with Liam would be hard for you.  Belle and Doctor Whale also told me that you would need someone to help you for a while.  They suggested a nurse but I know you and you would have refused.  My lease was up anyway, so I just bought this little place with my savings and moved our things over.” She said, with no little amount of trepidation.

Killian thought a moment. “What about Liam’s things?  The townhome?”

“I put his things in the attic here, when you are ready we can look through them.  I rented the townhome to a nice couple expecting a baby.  You can keep renting or you can sell it if you want.  Do you like it?” Emma asked.

His eyes filled with tears, “Aye.  Thank you Emma.”  She nodded and offered to show him the rest of the house. 

He scoffed a little at the rails and seat in the shower but she assured him that they could be removed later.  She had done well and he already felt some peace in the little home.  After the tour, they all settled down and had pizza and cake.  Killian still tired easily so David and Mary Margaret made their way home while Killian and Emma sat in the living room talking for a while.  She then helped him into bed and went into her own room.  She sighed in relief at how well the day had gone.  She was just drifting off when she heard the noises coming from his room.

Killian was tossing and turning in bed, fearful sobs coming from him.  He shouted out _Liam_ and Emma understood what was happening.  She went over and lay next to him, shushing him quietly.  He calmed and Emma felt his racing heart slow down.  She lay with an arm around him and woke the next morning with her head on his chest.  She rose up to him smirking at her.

“Morning, beautiful” he said.

“Morning.  Are you hungry?” she said ignoring the situation entirely.

“Are we going to talk…” he asked her.

“Nope” she said as she walked out of the room.

Killian and Emma ate breakfast in relative silence.  He watched as she cleaned up and then went to take a shower.  He took himself to his own shower and stared at it for a while.  He hated this whole process as it took him forever.  He made it through and even cleaned up his stubble to look more like his old self.  He had gotten into some clean clothes and a button down flannel.  He supposed this was the best he could make himself look.

He waited in the living room for Emma to finish a call she was on.  When she walked in, she noticed him fidgeting with his hand in his hair.  She walked over and sat down.

“You need a haircut” she said.

“Aye” he scratched behind his ear.

“What’s wrong?”

Killian took Emma’s hand in his and fiddled with the ring on her index finger.  “Nothing, really”

She placed her other hand on his knee, “You can talk to me.”

He looked up at her hopefully, “Do you remember your promise?”

She thought a moment and then smiled and nodded.

“Well, I’m on my feet as it were…not totally but I am working on it and you probably don’t want to be saddled with me in a wheelchair but I thought…” Emma stopped him with a finger on his lips.

“I would love to, Killian?” she said with a smile.

“Truly?” he asked.

Emma nodded.

Later that evening, Emma heard Killian cursing from his room.  She asked if he needed help but he assured her that he was fine and she worriedly listened to the commotion inside.  She did not know what he was doing beyond getting ready for their date, but he had insisted on doing it properly.  Truth be told, he could wear a potato sack and she would not care.  Damn, David had been right.  She loved Killian more than she could ever say and she needed to tell him.  She was deep in thought when he opened his door and looked up at his gasp.

“You look stunning” he said with a slow perusal.  Emma grinned.  He was in loose, black linen pants – which must have been the delivery that David had made earlier – that accommodated the bracing he still had to wear on his back.  He had on a royal blue button down, rolled at the sleeves and with several buttons undone.  He had artfully tamed his too long hair and a lock fell down on his forehead, making her itch to push it out of the way.

“You look great Killian” she said and he grinned.  He rolled over to her and handed her the rose he had placed in his lap, probably courtesy of David as well.  She took it and put it in some water before they left.

The date was magical and all Emma could hope for.  She had missed this Killian so much.  He only grumbled a little when they moved the regular table chair to accommodate the wheelchair but he relented because walking still took a lot of energy.  He did not want to be tired too early.

They went home and Emma asked if he wanted to sit on the deck.  David and some of the guys from work had built an accessible deck that looked out over the ocean.  He and Liam had always loved the sea and Emma had remembered this and made it part of their home.  Home…it was a word that Killian thought he would never think about again once Liam was gone but now he had Emma to thank for bringing him out of the darkness that had threatened to consume his soul.

Now, they sat in the little loveseat on the deck, Emma having helped him into it so he could finally abandon the infernal chair.  At his last therapy visit, Doctor Whale had assured him that it should only be another month before Killian might start using arm crutches to walk around.  They had been pleased with his progress and surprised at the extent of his recovery.  Emma sat with his arm around her and her head on his shoulder.  She never wanted this feeling to end.  He tightened his arm for a moment and then dropped a kiss to the top of her head.

“Emma?” he asked her.

She raised up and looked at him.

“I could not have done any of this without you.” He said.

Emma shook her head, “You could have – you had it in you the whole time.”

“Aye, maybe, but you gave me a good reason.  You didn’t give up on me even when I pushed you away.”

“Of course not.  I can be as stubborn as you when I want to be” she said with a smile.

He chuckled, “We are a pair.”

Emma nodded, “We are.  Besides, I had an ulterior motive”

“What would that be, love?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I couldn’t let the man that I love rot away in a hospital” she said.

He nearly choked on his own spit, “Did you just…did I hear…Emma?”

Emma reached up and cupped his cheek, running her thumb over the scar there, “I love you Killian”

Killian leaned down and kissed her softly.  He started to pull back and Emma chased after him, deepening the kiss.  Eventually they came up for air and he smiled at her with wonder.

“I hope you know that I love you too, Emma, with all that I am” he said with sincerity.

Emma nodded, “I didn’t but David helped me along.”

“Bloody wanker” Killian said shaking his head.

Emma laughed, “Without David you might still be lying in a hospital bed, feeling sorry for yourself buddy.”

Killian thought a moment and Emma kissed him again, smoothing the furrow in his brow.  After a while of kissing, Killian chuckled, “Remind me to buy David’s drinks for the next 3 years.”

Emma laughed and rested her head against Killian’s heart.  She smiled at the steady thump under her ears.  It only took 30 days for her world to completely change, but now she knew that she would not change a thing because it led to her admitting her feelings for the man who know held her.  It would be a long road to righting all the wrongs of late, but she knew that they could handle it, together.


	14. True Love Works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian is under a sleeping curse

The air was crisp outside, the breeze ruffling the hem of her jacket. Emma, the Dark One, had been standing on the pier watching the ship and debating what she should do. Finally, with a sigh, she poofed herself into his cabin. He was laying on the small bed as if asleep, but she knew better. Even under a sleeping curse he looked troubled. The dark circles under his eyes betrayed the strain that the last weeks of her actions have put him under. His hair was a long, disheveled mess and his scruff was now more like a full grown beard. A frown marred his features as if to protest this forced break from trying to save her. A lock of hair was falling over his closed eyelid and Emma’s fingers itched with the need to smooth it back.

A war had begun within her body. The Dark One feared the light that her loved ones would bring into her life and rightfully so. Before the moment that this sleeping curse took hold of Killian, the dark was winning. But when he had sacrificed himself to save her parents from this fate, Emma, the part of her that loved so fiercely, desperately fought to claw her way to the surface. It had been at that moment that she found the courage to overpower the darkness and it had been too late. Now, she struggled to keep the darkness on a leash.

“You could save him” Henry said.

Emma’s back stiffened for an instant in surprise before turning to look at him. She shook her head sadly, “It’s never worked, kid.”

Henry nodded, “That’s because you would never let it.”

“Come again?” She is shocked and truth be told a little angry, the darkness instantly making her feel accused of not being enough.

“It’s not your fault, you were scared. The first time you didn’t have your memories. The other times, you were struggling against the Dark One magic. It made you believe it wouldn’t work.” Henry said with conviction.

“I just don’t think it was meant to be” Emma said resolutely. She turned back to look at Killian. Henry came up to her side.

“Do you love him?” he asked.

Emma thought long and hard. She cleared her mind of the poisonous thoughts the Dark One was trying to sabotage her with and she thought of Killian.

After a long pause, she whispered, “With my entire being.”

Henry nodded and grasped her hand. He looked into her eyes, “You can do this, Mom. I know you can. He would not give up on you so you can’t give up on him.”

Emma opened and closed her mouth. She felt shocked as a single tear escaped and made a course down her cheek. For the first time in a long while, she felt something more than anger. Henry squeezed her hand.

“I love you and I believe in you” he said and left the room.

Emma watched him go and then turned back to the sleeping figure. She gave in to the urge to push that hair back and was stunned at how cold Killian felt. She thought about him and only him. She took a deep breath and then leaned down and kiss him.

The resulting shock wave nearly knocked her back but Killian’s arm came up to hold her to him. Tears were coursing down Emma’s face as she pulled back to look at him. He reached up to wipe them away.

“I knew you could do it, Swan” he smiled at Emma. She leaned her forehead down and was surprised when her hair fell down around them.

Emma leaned back and looked at herself. The stark, black clothes she had been wearing were now replaced with her normal jeans and sweater combo. Her hair was loose. She searched her mind and found that the Dark One was no longer talking to her. She laughed at the freedom she felt.

Killian sat up and Emma fell into his arms with relief. He chuckled and nuzzled his cheek against her head.

“You saved me” Emma said.

Killian shook his head, “You saved yourself, love.”

She smiled, “I love you, Killian.”

“I love you” Killian said and kissed her, for the first time in what seemed liked forever not desperately hoping to break a curse but looking forward to a new beginning.


End file.
